#18: Their unselfconscious friend who happens to be hot

pics via here

Cuz he's not gonna care if you gently caress his chest and give him a lip kiss after an intense soccer match. Plus the social construct of your bro-based relationship essentially allows you to fall in love with him (and generate a sense that you are loved in return) without actuall having to come out of the closet or lie about your feelings ("I leave a lot out when I tell the truth"   - someone honest). Unselfconscious hot people have often been raised to have such a high level of self-esteem, that they pretty much notice how 'ghey' ur being, but they don't really make a big deal about it, because you're their bro, and that's all that matters. 

But for YOU, it means the universe. For YOU, there may never be a relationship that feels this meaningful and fullfilling while simultaneously being unsatisfying. Sure, your first real boyfriend might be satisfying in all the ways that this friendship is not, but is it really more meaningful? Can you really say you are loved more, or give more love, just because you found someone whose wants you to 'make him cum'? No, you're going to be dreaming about the one who 'got you', who lovingly didn't let you get away with bullshit, or who just let you be yourself without 'trying to change you' into something their parents will like. Or whatever the case may be. I mean, sure, love is love, and everyone deserves it, but for the closetcase, while he is a closetcase, the truest form of humanity/human comfort isn't the girl he's pretending to be interested in--it's the bro he's pretending he could care less about. 

Be careful out there.

In life: 100 post mark

I made it to about a hundred posts sometime this week. Not sure when, although I could easily check, and it got me thinking about how I like the site better now that I'm not 'trying to sound smart', even though I liked this place back then too. Guess maybe it just means I like what I'm doing, as long as I'm doing what I want? Anyway, that picture up there is from here. Here are some links, though, in honor of this landmark moment, on this Friday the 13th, of some posts I wrote, in which I actually like what I wrote, and didn't just use it as an excuse to 'post hot bros.'

-We talked about 'getting drunk' to hide your pain

-We talked about sports

-We talked about science

-We talked about religion and gay people in American society

-We talked about misinformation

In the news: heartwarming tales and lives in prison

So, the dude who totally killed that gay pornographer Mr. Bryan 'pedobro' Kocis is totally going to spend the rest of his life in prison. That's the bad news.

The good news is, that kid who totally got kicked off his wrestling team at one school, for manipulating his peen on camera, for moneys, is now the top wrestler in the fuckin country at his new school. That's the good news.

Super Bowl Sunday Newsicle

It's Super Bowl Sunday, so you know what that means? TELEVISED MOVIE TRAILERS, Y'ALL. Whatever, so that I feel like I did something, newstuffs.

=The head of the Republico Starship Alliance (or the GOP, as it's popularly known) will pander to you now. (theraw)

=Ted Haggard is a closetcase, you guys. I mean, it sucks that his life is this way, and it sucks that he can't live happily as a gay dude, and that he has beliefs that force him to hate himself. But...he's gay. He just is. (huffingtone post)

=Kids in the UK? Still homophobic, in case you wondering. (harrowtimes)

Whatever, enjoy your day.

Blast from the Past

You guys remember Michael Phelps from last year? Remember how he made us want to get into shape and shit, and love America, and want to not drown in the pool? He made you remember that it's okay to enjoy the male physique, even when you're with your boys and you guys don't openly discuss how hot each other are, y'know. Frickin Phelps, man. Blast from the past, you guys!

UPDATE: Legalize it, y'all.

SebastiAn holding a drink, looking buzzed.

Our newest feature (SebastiAn holding a drink, looking buzzed/blazed) is inspired by the fact that before we loved Ed Banger's flagship band (you know who they are) and the de Rosnay half of that band, in a photogenics way, we liked SebastiAn. He has less songs, but we're predicting his album will be serviceable or more, which is a good thing. Without further adieu, folks:

Thank you. Have a nice day.

---------------------------------------

Also, Brady Quinn's life never gets easier, and neither does Ronaldo's. Poor them? Chuuch!

Did you hear?

Our pretend bf (one of many SCCL pretend male men) got assaulted by one of his own teammate peoples in his pretty perfect face (or something) and now the losing team coach is totally maybe getting shitcanned, for Jesus' birthday.

While the reports have been foggy about the entire nature of the incident,
there is something that is very clear -- Romeo Crennel has now guaranteed his
own demise.
People will talk about how ridiculous Quinn and Smith are, but my
stance is that it's Crennel who has completely lost it. Yes, things happen in
pro football all the time, but not when your franchise quarterback is being
punched in the face. This is the sort of locker room environment that has been
cultivated by the Crennel regime the past four seasons. This "players" coach has
lost control of his entire football team -- and it is
embarrassing. The players obviously have no respect for the team,
franchise, Cleveland, or themselves.

Okay, that's just speculation, but it got us this far, and that's what really counts. [examiner]

====

Cristiano Ronaldo, our pretend side-peice, because in Pretend Land (Burbank, CA), people have no scruples and everything is OK, did awesome in some way, and had an interview that apparently did not go way awesomely:

First to enter the set was a smiley Ronaldo, who prompted a giggly and
girly reaction from the show’s apparent host, who was quickly followed on stage
by Rooney. With all the excitement around them, and clearly not understanding a
word, Ronaldo and Rooney looked uncomfortable in their new surroundings, with
smiles plastered over their faces as the chaos around them unfolded.

Cue the sterotypical photo-snaps live on air before the interview got
underway. And when the questions finally came they included the presentor
telling Ronaldo “I’d love legs like yours,” and telling the Portuguese star “he
is so cute.”

Then things really started to fall apart. Ronaldo was quickly pulled
out of the interview by a third party (who the presenters tried to talk to on
air), with Rooney confusingly left all on his own as he tried to also exit the
stage before being told to stay put. A cringe-worthy 60 second interview was
then held, with Rooney constantly found looking over his shoulder before finally
being allowed to leave the stage. [bleacherreport]

Mmm, how relevant to this American Xmas time. Here's the video here--tug one, bro.

UPDATE: This was the picture I was supposed to use instead of the one right above. No big deal. Hug someone u love today?

Sorry for the mixxup and things. I know how it is.

TGIF: Slow news week

Yeah, so, to avoid posting the same thang over and over, I just post nothing (this is also to avoid becoming a hawt dudez photo site, which is just brimming below the surface, that's BRIMMING BTW) and also I work allowed but will probably get fired soon, ANYWAY:

*New York might try to sneak same-s3x marridge into legalness by making it an issue of helping the state's economy or what have u. [daily news]

*This article mentions the orientation of the alleged crime-causer, but I stopped reading it before they made it clear why this information is relevant to what appears to be an unrelated issue of KIDNAPPING. [SLTrib]

*This rugby ref came out, and says it was really hard, but thinks he would have basically just gotten his ass kicked if he had been a futball ref, and we basically agree, though we don't have evidence on us at this exact moment, ok? [bbc]

*"...But while a majority of non-white voters backed a ban on gay marriage, the key finding in the new survey was that voters' position on Proposition 8 was determined more by their level of education and income than their race or ethnicity, said PPIC president Mark Baldassare. Among Californians with a high school diploma or less, 69 percent voted for Proposition 8. Among college graduates, 57 percent voted against it." [mercury news]

#9: Sports

Because what young people need as they get older is an identity, and sports provide that, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Goths have the dark arts, drama gheys have theatre, and kids whose parents either recognize that sports are a good start to a healthy life (that these kids will grow to squander by binge drinking and snorting rails) or realize that they are old and that life sucks and must live vicariously/perilously through their sons, have sports.

Sports also foster discipline, which is good for guys who have a strong sense of self, as it will be a way to harness focus when they find something that focus will aid in improving. For people without spines, however, discipline can quickly turn into conformity, which is why sports programs (especially in movies) have the reputation for being full of arrogant pricks who are slaves to (and perpetuate) the idea of popularity as a virtue. Everybody is different unless they are trainted not to be! And building a belief system that can stem from the values of being good at a sport, this is something that happens to one without totally realizing it, so when they are put into a situation that forces them to self-analyze (such as realizing they might like dudes), they can be totally thrown off and angry/confused--a closet will be borne, and a case will cling to this masculine identity for dear life, and who could blame them.

The problem is older people being in the closet, but that could be the problem across the board. No out-N-proud pro athletes means none at the high school level, or college, because gays are the devil broken up into millions of little Degrassi fans. But seriously, the straight teammates think only weirdos are ghey, the ghey ones think if they act tough no one will suspect them (thereby perpetuating the cliches and misinformations that keep their cages locked so tight), and a million little lost connections are made, and youthful years wasted, because of fear.

If one is hell-bent on never coming out while simultaneously making life more difficult for others, athletic heroism is the perfect cover to employ. If you're in love with your friend Daniel, but would rather die than admit that to yourself, why not become awesome at footballing, get a hot girlfriend, and call people fags all the time? IT'S THE PERFECT CRIME, and, also, it's moral, because you are only hurting yourself (and your girlfriend and eventual children, but they don't count!). This isn't Spartan times--athletes aren't allowed to notice how hot each other are, or blow one another to commemorate a job well-done (not yet!), so the closeted athlete won't even partake in the straight baller's antics of ass/ball slapping, playing nudging or hugging, or European man-kissing.

Are you part of a sports club and also straight? After a big win, go around doing ghey stuff to people, the ones that act the most offended and grossed out (the ones who act like they have the most to lose by being okay with this) those are the ones you need to hug closer and say, "No matter what, you're still my teammate and my friend and I love you. And that probably goes for all the guys here, too." Then hold him at arm's length and appraise him, then look him in the eye and say, "Do you know what I mean?" He'll probably call you a homo, but he'll never forget that you did it, and will never be able to say that nobody, ever in his life, tried to be there for him. (Plus, when one comes out after all those years of sports, they are both butch, and have a rockin body, and that will make them POPULAR AS FUCK! Which is their Earthly wont.)

Further in the world of sports...

Been a couple days, so we will post chaotically because the reason we DON'T post sometimes is to avoid chaos, so we are giving ourselves what we Don't Want for a change, k? (Also reading about sports--see previous post--made me want to just keep reading about sports. Funny how that works.)

*Cristiano Ronaldo won the Best Player Ever This Year, 2008 Millenial Awesomeness award, and might be changing teams also. When further researched, it was also found that Mr. Ronaldo is adorable in, like, every picture ever taken of him. [ap]

*Oh, Brady Quinn is going to have finger surgery. We'll put our interest in the Browns in the refrigerator until the outcome of this procedure. [ap]

*You want to see some hockey playing dudes grabbing some balls? No? Well, by balls, we mean testys or whatever, so click the link if you change yr mind. [MSIH]

*Michael Phelps was named sportsman of the year by Sports Illustrated, proving our theory that it is cool for dudes to fawn over this guy and his doep bod, as long as they point out that he is also sort of a butterface when under natural lighting, which makes him HUMAN. That is why it is okay to hate Ronaldo, because he'd make Burt Reynolds do a double take wockawockawocka...[cnn]

Oh hai: Random thing

If you care at all about sports or whatever, or just interested in stories about people, then the Times, NY, has an interesting story about a dude who started a football team at the University of Vermont, just 'cause he got it like that. [nyt]

In the world: Leftovers

*The Rugby Football League is starting a campaign to fight homophobia, as an addition of work they do with the LGB community, not because their fans hate gay people. Cool beenz either way, yes? One of their players came out years ago, and nobody's head exploded, so they think it might help everyone to get over it also. [brand republic]

*A call in England to squelch a bit of the old h-phobia, as is it's on the rise, they say. [W&B Times]

*In Australia, two public health officials think gays are tatamount to insane peoples, so their having hearings about it. Or something. [telegraph]

*Most of these stories I find on homophobia are from out of the UK. Why is that?

*myPartner dot com is afraid that eHarmonies new Homo Matchmakingz department will be too awesome and will thusly destroy them. [marketwatch]

*Oh, Mike Huckabee is an idiot and either uninformed, misinformed, or a liar. [prideSource]

*Being gay sucks, but more if you live in Iran. Just sayin. [hurriyet]

*Look--gay marriage is likely not happening for, like, years. We get it. [nytimes]

Oh, lastly, googling 'rugby players' at work might get you fired. Just putting it out there; (these guys play(ed) for Duke, btw...

Holiday overshare: Wrestling

I often feel really, really bad posting images on this site and making that be all there is to the post. But this is our first holiday together (this site is like 3 weeks old, you see) and since the holidays are about indulging in revenge fantasies against your parents for turning you into a hollow blob incapable of loving himself or others, from which children cower, why not also make it a time to indulge in some things that have been on your mind. For me, one of those things has been wrestling, and how smelly guys can be, yet how nobody ever has that complaint about wrestling. Spreading herpes, sure--but not being smelly. Go figure. Whatever, the point is, one of my friends used to wrestle in high school, and he still keeps tabs, and he's not totally h-phobic or anything (he is MY friend), I think he would be annoyed if I pointed out the inherent erotica of traditional wrestling (not that WWE shit).

In Sports: SCCL's fake boyfriend has time to start a blog now

Only about a week since your Fishbelly declared his forgiveness, love, and support for Mr. Brady Quinn, said Quinn went and fucked up his finger. Then he played football sports (and maybe some other kinds of sports in his private time--if I like something, that means a lot of other people do too) with this ruined hand and ruineded it further, and now the experts are all like, "Oh yeah, btw, your you-wish B-F-F-L is out for the season probly or whatever." And we're all like, "Geezum effing Crow! Now I have to pretend Eli Manning is attractive or just, like, not watch football until the playoffs, like how I only used to watch the last few episode of reality competitions." But we probably won't even do that, not with soccer still on the air. Get better Brady--we'll still write nice stuff about you as long as you don't take this out on h0m0s or nothin. I don't care what country you're from the midwest of, bashing people ain't cool. [washington post]

So what were we saying? Right: soccer.

We are now Manchester United fans! They won today (actually, I think it was a draw, but they progressed in the series or whatever--we have to learn us our soccer lingo) but our non-injured pretend confidante and unhealthy lust object, Cristiano Rinaldo, was injured in the process. One step forward, two steps back, America.

Let's start over: Brady Quinn

The first posting on this site was about Michael Phelps, because he's good-natured and affable enough, plus he has a physique to, erm...aspire to. Plus, how photogenic he is from the neck up is debatable (we think he's just fine) and that's what makes it okay for dudes to openly think he's awesome without getting a pink f-bomb dropped on them. We've loved him (BQ) since Notre Dame, and were pumped that he got drafted into the NFL, even if it was to the Browns who are...well, the Browns. They're named after a color. I dunno, we're not here to judge, though. We're just saying the post wasn't about Quinn, who the camera clearly loves and a true physical role-model for males of all stripes (seriously), because he's too good-looking for straight guys to openly admire without the hate, as we noted.

Straight guys are notoriously wary (jealous) of hot dudes, especially talented ones with steady jobs, like our Mr. Browns QB over here. Every time this guy comes on the television, one of my straight friends hurls a slur at him; it's like he comes on the sceen and their first thought is, "Man, he's fuckin smokin," but their first words are something like, "O man what a homo--him, not me." Or something, you know what I'm saying. He seems polite enough, and I was in the tank for him until he got wasted and yelled The Slur or its variants in public and had to apologize even tho the damage was done. But last night was his first win as starting qb for the Browns, and so we've decided to jump back in the tank, because he's going to need people there for him, because hateration only grows with popularity (and if there is a closet involved in this scenario, the door's gonna pretty be locked, indefinitely, once those endorsements start coming along). So, yes, he's gonna need people--people like us. Keep your head up, buddy.

#1: Michael Phelps

There is no denying the physical and athletic prowess of an Olympian. They have spent their entire lives crafting their bodies and their abilities, turning their sport into an artform, their arena into a canvass and themselves into the finest of chisels. There has been no greater example of this dedication, in recent years, than Michael Phelps. He set Olympic swimming records only to get bored with the numbers and set new new ones. He is the jovial, All-American athlete that inspires awe, for who among Common Man has anything close to the discipline requred to not drink five nights a week, let alone become the best at anything besides, like, the best beer pong player among their friends or something. Plus, he's got a rockin bod, and this is why closet-cases like him so much.

Here's the thing. Cloesteds like dudes. That's the whole point. And the greatest/worst day of their lives is graduating high school, no longer burdened by the threat of the guys locker room and all the hot, prime-of-the-life flesh sauntering around that place. It's fuckin Chippendales in there, man, no lie! But anyway, they then (unless they get into college sports, which would only compound their problems) go through a plateau, where nubile young straights aren't just disrobing in front of them on a daily basis anymore. They need to see slim, athletic builds, and NO THEY'RE GIRLFRIENDS DO NOT COUNT.

That's where Michael Phelps comes in.

By watching Phelps compete on live television, they get to witness a superb physical specimen that it's okay to ogle, because he's the star of America once every four years. Checking out pictures Zach Efron shirtless on your PC is risky for the closet case; but downloading pics of Phelps is okay because Michael Phelps is awesome and everyone knows it, and his pics are not only all shirtless, there is also an 88% chance he will also be in a speedo, thereby ensuring excellent, socially-acceptable chubby situations. Meaning, there's an inherent excuse as to why you're looking at Phelps topless--it's because he is ALWAYS topless! Plus, there's no pictures of his dong out there, so once the closet case finishes himself off, there's none of the guilt that comes with wacking it to peeny picks, only the REAL AMERICAN PRIDE that comes with splooging all over your stomach in the name of the Greatest Olympian of Our Lifetime! Dude, pretty much everyone's touching themselves over Michael Phelps, one way or another, and the guy probably wants them to, so it's cool. Maybe if Brady Quinn wasn't so covered up all the time, things wouldn't have to be this way, but hey...

WARNING: Openly ogling any of the other swimmers or divers who are also in perfect condition is not acceptable, because swimming is gay.