Dear Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner

I think I love you. See you later? It's cool, I'll text you. Okay, peace.

In the news: Because we're on holiday in two hours

...But we still have to work on friday!! HAHAHAHAHA WE'RE POOR! O there is news 2:

*Be thankful that you aren't getting hosed down and beat up all goddamn day; conservatism is stagnation, and has no choice but to lose. Things ARE changing. [detroit news]

*Obama is perfect and will paint the American flag pink and and off-white, because those are cute colors together (I dunno). [Bay Windows]

*Harvey Milk was pretty awesome, too. [huffpo]

*Florida gets kicked in the nuts, from behind, as their abortion ban gets deemed unconstitutional. STOP MAKING DOUCHEBAG LAWS! They will always be struck down, at some point in history. With your free time, make a plan on how you will come out of the closet instead. Send us emailz and we will announce it here! [nytimes]

*Mormons may have been shady with their monies, and The Terminator State will look into this. Now from my favorite, irrelevant line from T2: "Hold this." [freep]

* "Gay rights leaders hope to build a $1-million war chest to defend any judge threatened with recall for ruling in favor of gay marriage, leaders announced during a conference call with supporters Tuesday night." [lat]

* "The Ministry of Defence (MoD) has been ordered to pay nearly £190,000 to a lesbian soldier who was sexually harassed by a male sergeant." [BBC]

*Dumb hicks in Kansas hate gay people and aren't remotely self-conscious about it, for they are too ignorant, and so hold sign saying Obama is the anti-kryst, and reminding everyone that Jesus died before his roommate could get him drunk and explore bodies with him. [the oregonian]

In the news: What'd we miss?

*People want James Franco (our hero) to care either way about playing gay characters, so they're asking him what it's like to play gay characters. Says Franco, "It's kinda gay." (not really) [mercury news]

*Anybody who has ever used Eharmony knows that you have to like god's version of sex in order to find a match there, but the company just had to, like, pay New Jersey a bunch of money because that is in direct violation of the gay constitution, and now they have to help closet-cases find hook-ups too or something. I don't know, I can't read, and it's Friday. [wsj]

*Gay people text-messaged Barack Obama "wat's up wit gay marage?" and he hasn't texted them back yet, so they're going to focus on some other issues for the time being. He's got til 2010, or they're going to start spamming his Facebook page and talking shit about him to their mutual friends. [usa today]

*Since Cali dropped the ball, Vermont wants to be the "cool" state by letting people marry each other there. [ap]

*Barry O also says to wait up on that rescinding of Don't Ask Don't Tell. He'll call you back when he knows something. [upi]

In the news: Mark Foley

So you remember Mark Foley? He was the Republican who was being all flirty with congressional pages, who are all boys in their teens (not all of them, just the ones he thought were hot). He fell from grace and he was a part of that whole "I'm an alkie, I'm going to rehab" craze of the later Bush years; before becoming public enemy #1 (gay), he helped craft legislation to protect kids on the internet from people like Perez Hilton. It turns out he was gay, but most people in Washinton already knew that. Yahoo has a story up about, which is really an interview with him, except the kind of interview with narration, not just a transcript (hate that!). Some excerpts for your perusalz:

Foley insists he did nothing illegal and never had sexual contact with
teens, just inappropriate Internet conversations. Investigations by the FBI and
Florida authorities ended without criminal charges. And while he concedes his
behavior was "extraordinarily stupid," he remains somewhat unwilling to accept
full public scorn. These were 17-year-olds, just months from being men, he
insists.

I actually agree with him there; everyone wants to bang seventeen year olds. EVERYONE! Don't lie, please, ok let's keep looking:

In public life, you dream of the day they'll name a hospital after you, or
a bridge or a post office," Foley said, twisting a gold band on his ring finger identical to one his high-society dermatologist boyfriend wears.

"If I had a post office named after me today, they'd probably return to sender," he
said.

Zing! Further:

Shortly after his resignation, his attorney announced that Foley was gay
and an alcoholic and had been molested by a priest as a teenage altar boy in
Florida. Foley then checked himself into a treatment facility.

"I loved my early life, and then along comes a priest ... who forces me
into a sexual relationship at the age of 12. And right shortly thereafter, I
fail eighth grade, I start drugs, I start drinking, I start smoking," he said.
"My entire life ... implodes."
...
A Republican won back Foley's congressional district last week after the
Democrat who replaced him was caught in an adultery scandal. It's become known
as "The Curse of the Mark Foley Seat."

"It's not what I had hoped would be my lasting legacy," he said, pausing to brush away tears. So what does the man who once was such a popular figure in politics and high-society do now?

"I don't know. I don't know," he said. "I'm just going to take it a day at a
time."

Yeesh. I kind of feel bad for him right now, I dunno. I mean, these congressional pages, I'm assuming, were young, upstart republicans, which basically means they're gay. I guess what I'm saying is, where's the crime America?*

[yahoo/ap]

*Besides abuse of power or whatever, BUT IS THAT EVEN A RULE THERE? Probly not.

UPDATE: Wonkette also talks about this.

In the news: Dems try to void Prop 8

Your editor had to get up at five in the morning the day following the election, but was up late practically crying wine-soaked tears (along with Oprah and, presumably, Palin supporters) as Obama gave his first speech as president-elect. The following morning, I was fashioning spears from old table legs, ready to destroy all Mormons (and their allies) as word came on down that Prop 8 had passed in California (gay marriage bans were passed in other states, but nobody is trying to go to those, not even with spears).


I tried to look at things in perspective (civil rights takes time; Obama needs to gain the trust of southern degenerates first, then he can make everybody marry gay people at same-sex weddings and wear Hitler mustaches, like he promised), but I decided to just resign to the fact that secretly-gay, homo-killing cyborgs from the future run the world, and all I can do is watch True Blood and deal with it. But then Gov'ner Schwartzenegger said to keep fighting and that Prop 8 sucks and is for pansies who can't even press their own body weight, and I was impressed enough by this to go ahead and pre-order tickets to Terminator: Salvation, and he's not even in that shit!

Then, from the LA Times yesterday:

Forty-three Democratic legislators, including leaders of the California
Senate and Assembly, filed a brief Monday urging the California Supreme Court to
void Proposition 8.

...
"This is a Hail Mary, no question about it," said Frank Schubert, manager
of the Proposition 8 campaign.Atty. Gen. Jerry Brown's office would be obligated
to defend the initiative. But Schubert said that if the high court agrees to
hear the case, backers of the initiative would seek to intervene to defend it.In
their brief, lawmakers described the 500,000-vote margin as a "bare majority,"
and said it was "compromising the enduring constitutional promise of equal
protection under the law.

"Proposition 8 seeks to effect a monumental revision
of this foundational principle and constitutional structure by allowing a bare
majority of voters to eliminate a fundamental right of a constitutionally
protected minority group," the brief says."If Proposition 8 takes effect, this
court will no longer be the final arbiter of the rights of minorities," it
continues.The action contends that the ban, created by the initiative that
defines marriage as being between one man and one woman, cannot be done by a
mere constitutional amendment. Rather, it must be done by a revision of the
entire Constitution and the Legislature would have to be involved.

Yeah, whatever. I'm making those spears, just in case.

I'll probably also have a horse's legs...

[lat]