#13: Being religious

Because religion is nothing if not a set of inarguable justifications. For behavior, for intentions--they are rules, and if you are following rules, then you are not suspicious, are not a suspect. You are noble. At first, religion can just be an excuse, internally, for why the closetcase can never come to terms with who he truly is--being gay is a sin (ask anybody) and if he is spending his life avoiding sin, then what does it mean if there is a sin LIVING INSIDE OF HIM?? How does one come to terms with that over which he has no control? There are two ways to go here.

One: You can tell yourself that 'everybody has these types of feelings' and that makes it a CHOICE and you are CHOOSING not to be gay. I have met people like this. "Being gay is a choice." "Did you choose to be straight then?" "YES I DID." "Oh..." If it is a choice, then you are straight, and there is a cure, and you will be okay. Being gay becomes like alcoholism--maybe something you are predisposed to, but can overcome with enough conviction. It is TEMPTATION, and the godbible says that temptation is the devilbot and must be overcome, y'all. This is good for the closetcase because he is scared as shit of his true feelings and of losing everyone he loves, and of going to HELL. Remedy? Stop believing in fairytales, stop fearing death, and live while you still can. The other scenario?

Scenario Two: Realize that being gay is not a choice, but living a lie is a choice, and choose to do that. This doesn't even come with the awesome mania of religious zealotry. This is just openly choosing to hate yourself and everyone around you, but allowing some chick, who doesn't know any better because she's as dumb as you are, to marry your stupid ass and be miserable with you forever and shit. What will happen, invariably, is this gay side of you will begin to seep out, slowly at first, then more rapidly, with more intensity, until you are blowing people you shouldn't. Maybe it's a cop in a bathroom. Maybe it's a weak-minded young person whom you are taking advantage of. Whatever, the point is, it will be unhealthy, and you will be middle-aged by this point, and it will be over for you. You would have left a trail of unhappiness in your wake, and how do you justify that enough to go to heaven, brah? We love you, we're just saying. The remedy? Get a boyfriend.

Of course some people need some kind of faith in something, especially if having faith in themselves is not enough, or if they really like their parents and so have to pretend to believe what their parents told them or else they will feel as if they are betraying them. We can tell from experience, y'all: it's hard to put your future in your own hands entirely, instead of partially in a god's. It takes a lot of work. So we start small. Just choose not to use people out of fear. Everybody has feelings, and just because you don't care about your own doesn't mean it's okay to not care about other people's. If you don't want to come out, just shut up about anything gay. YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TALK ABOUT IT. Good, bad, you cannot be an authority, bro. The next step would be liking yourself, and realizing that maybe if believing in something is ruining your life, maybe it's not for you. We wish the world was different, too. So bad, y'all.

Party pix via the cobra snake

Picture post: Thoughts on what we want from the future

Brought to you by the Cobra Snake:

Reading hipsty runny has made me realize that maybe I should have a less demanding job that allows me to party more. Partying on new years eve showed me that what I'm missing is carefreeness and youthfulness. But the thing is, I've got, like, goals. These guys probably have goals too, though.

Getting pussy is a goal for some. Or hiding the desire for dick. Whatever, sometimes having a goal is a full-time job in itself. Ever since i was younger, I was able to mimic really well. I'd find a writer I liked, and I'd learn how to write just like them. Find a band I like, write songs like them. This has been happening with my blogging too, and I don't know how to fix it.

I lost my phone over the summer and had to get a crap one for free. Now, when I get phone calls, I want to cry because the phone sux dick bags, but in the bad way. I want to party with people who have a lot of money and no blemishes. Who chew on straws because they're coked up.

I don't ever want to work in the food-service industry tho. People only do it because they have to. I might get laid off; I might have to.

I can't wait til it gets warm out here on the east coast. I want to go to bar-be-cues and take off my shirt and smile and do drugs with people I only hang out with because I'm not dating anyone, but plan to drop as soon as I have a partner.

I want to move out of New Jersey. I want to not have to explain where I'm coming from to people. I want everyone I know to love themselves. Is there a place on earth like that? It used to be New York, but I don't know anymore. I might have to go see for myself for an 'extended stay'. I want one of my best friends to go with me. I don't want to be alone.

I want to stop doing drugs, but I don't really think I want to stop. I'm pretty sure I don't want to stop drinking, though. I want to make money doing what I love. I want to love something that loves me back. I want to be able to afford to eat food whenever I want it. I want my cat to be neutered. Will the new year be able to fit all of these things into it, along with World Peace and a new Harry Potter movie? Won't you find out with me? The end.