#13: Being religious

Because religion is nothing if not a set of inarguable justifications. For behavior, for intentions--they are rules, and if you are following rules, then you are not suspicious, are not a suspect. You are noble. At first, religion can just be an excuse, internally, for why the closetcase can never come to terms with who he truly is--being gay is a sin (ask anybody) and if he is spending his life avoiding sin, then what does it mean if there is a sin LIVING INSIDE OF HIM?? How does one come to terms with that over which he has no control? There are two ways to go here.

One: You can tell yourself that 'everybody has these types of feelings' and that makes it a CHOICE and you are CHOOSING not to be gay. I have met people like this. "Being gay is a choice." "Did you choose to be straight then?" "YES I DID." "Oh..." If it is a choice, then you are straight, and there is a cure, and you will be okay. Being gay becomes like alcoholism--maybe something you are predisposed to, but can overcome with enough conviction. It is TEMPTATION, and the godbible says that temptation is the devilbot and must be overcome, y'all. This is good for the closetcase because he is scared as shit of his true feelings and of losing everyone he loves, and of going to HELL. Remedy? Stop believing in fairytales, stop fearing death, and live while you still can. The other scenario?

Scenario Two: Realize that being gay is not a choice, but living a lie is a choice, and choose to do that. This doesn't even come with the awesome mania of religious zealotry. This is just openly choosing to hate yourself and everyone around you, but allowing some chick, who doesn't know any better because she's as dumb as you are, to marry your stupid ass and be miserable with you forever and shit. What will happen, invariably, is this gay side of you will begin to seep out, slowly at first, then more rapidly, with more intensity, until you are blowing people you shouldn't. Maybe it's a cop in a bathroom. Maybe it's a weak-minded young person whom you are taking advantage of. Whatever, the point is, it will be unhealthy, and you will be middle-aged by this point, and it will be over for you. You would have left a trail of unhappiness in your wake, and how do you justify that enough to go to heaven, brah? We love you, we're just saying. The remedy? Get a boyfriend.

Of course some people need some kind of faith in something, especially if having faith in themselves is not enough, or if they really like their parents and so have to pretend to believe what their parents told them or else they will feel as if they are betraying them. We can tell from experience, y'all: it's hard to put your future in your own hands entirely, instead of partially in a god's. It takes a lot of work. So we start small. Just choose not to use people out of fear. Everybody has feelings, and just because you don't care about your own doesn't mean it's okay to not care about other people's. If you don't want to come out, just shut up about anything gay. YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TALK ABOUT IT. Good, bad, you cannot be an authority, bro. The next step would be liking yourself, and realizing that maybe if believing in something is ruining your life, maybe it's not for you. We wish the world was different, too. So bad, y'all.

Party pix via the cobra snake