Effective Advertising: Urban Outfitters

I was going to buy this shirt just because of the image here advertising it on the Urban Outfitters site. This is known as the Abercrombie Mistake, but I don't know if I'm in the clear yet. Gotta stay away from it.

But it's not even expensive or anything--it's just hard to decide if it's really a good shirt. 

Movies I saw recently and a picture of a dude who has nothing to do with it

-The Thing: as in the old John Carpenter one, finally. It was good--I didn't know the plot going in, but that probably helped.

-I Love You, Man: The Paul Rudd buttsex movie (right?). It was funny enough for the kind of movie it is, which is a guy-powered chick flick. (I saw it with a dude).

-The Breakfast Club: Yes, I'd seen it before, but not since I was too young to know what I was watching, and I refused to watch it on basic cable, with the edits. Anyway, it's good, all the kids are good actos, though Ally Sheedy's character was a little retarded and almost aggressively creepy and I hated her more after the makeover (what is the message here??), Anthony Michael Hall was good though, and Emelio Estevez was buff, the end.

-Memento: seen it before, but not in forever, and so forgot what it was about (it's about a story-framing device, right?). Good as well.

-Sauna: Good, but slow. Haunting vibe, though? Can I say that?

-Dark Floors: this movie kinda sucked. To paraphrase an IMDB commenter: This movie was okay until Lordi showed up acting like monsters.

-Sommusturm: this wasn't bad. I kinda liked it, but maybe the precise end wasn't my favorite. If they had all broken into a choreographed dance on the beach, like Slumdog, I would be singing another tune however.

-Charlie Bartlett: it was okay.

-Savage Grace: ugh

Le Temps Qui Reste: It was okay. I have seen worse.

-Broken English: very pleasant story about wanting to settle down but having yet to do so? That make sense?

Being old and rich is awesome. I'm only guessing, I would not know.

Do you know who Karl Lagerfeld is? Apparently he designs clothes for Americans like Kanye West and people who get to be at Fashion Week. Do you know who designs my clothes? Osh Kosh  B Gosh; get in where you fit in, right? ANYWAY, that dude up there is the guy Mr. Designer-face used to date up until about who cares ago.

This dude below is who he dates now. Karl Lagerfeld is like 400 years old, not that there's anything wrong with that.

I mean, both of these guys could be the biggest assholes ever conceived by human loins, but they don't look like it (maybe a little, but...). The point is, being old is awesome, as long as you are rich, but what kind of shit do you care, as long as young people are willing to waste their time taking showers with you or whatever. Ask Hefner. Marc Jacobs dating life is now boring and stupid--long live Lagerfeld, a role model to people who fear aging (homeboy doesn't even have a fucked up plastic-surge face, and he's bagging these kids. Life, man. Life.)

In the news: we kinda already talked about this...

...and the pictured dude kind of doesn't really have anything to do with it, but half the point of this is pictures to look at. Ooh, words:

"The Vermont Senate Judiciary Committee unanimously approved a bill Friday that would allow same-sex marriage in the state. This vote came after a week of hearings on the issue. Vermont currently allows civil unions, but the current bill would expand benefits offered to same-sex couples.

The bill will now move to the state Senate. Even if the legislation passes in both houses of the state legislature, supporters are concerned that Republican Governor Jim Douglas would veto the measure. A spokeswoman for the Governor told the New York Times that "Governor Douglas believes that this legislation is a distraction from the important work the legislature should be doing to get our economy back on track."" [ms]

Anyone have an extra asian boyfriend they're not using?

Cuz I kinda want one, but there aren't a lot available by me.

Is this one yours?

Can I have it?

Anyway, this was supposed to be a post about how I want to learn to fight, via the mixed martial arts, but how I don't want to look like I got hit in the face a bunch of times. This is Korean Pop Sensation™ Rain, after getting into killing-machine shape for his new movie, Ninjas that Kill, produced by the Matrix Brothers. So, this post became an excuse to post these pictures, instead of an excuse to post pictures of UFC fighters. They call that 'blogging', and it is both tremendous and an art form. Thank you.

#18: Their unselfconscious friend who happens to be hot

pics via here

Cuz he's not gonna care if you gently caress his chest and give him a lip kiss after an intense soccer match. Plus the social construct of your bro-based relationship essentially allows you to fall in love with him (and generate a sense that you are loved in return) without actuall having to come out of the closet or lie about your feelings ("I leave a lot out when I tell the truth"   - someone honest). Unselfconscious hot people have often been raised to have such a high level of self-esteem, that they pretty much notice how 'ghey' ur being, but they don't really make a big deal about it, because you're their bro, and that's all that matters. 

But for YOU, it means the universe. For YOU, there may never be a relationship that feels this meaningful and fullfilling while simultaneously being unsatisfying. Sure, your first real boyfriend might be satisfying in all the ways that this friendship is not, but is it really more meaningful? Can you really say you are loved more, or give more love, just because you found someone whose wants you to 'make him cum'? No, you're going to be dreaming about the one who 'got you', who lovingly didn't let you get away with bullshit, or who just let you be yourself without 'trying to change you' into something their parents will like. Or whatever the case may be. I mean, sure, love is love, and everyone deserves it, but for the closetcase, while he is a closetcase, the truest form of humanity/human comfort isn't the girl he's pretending to be interested in--it's the bro he's pretending he could care less about. 

Be careful out there.

In life: 100 post mark

I made it to about a hundred posts sometime this week. Not sure when, although I could easily check, and it got me thinking about how I like the site better now that I'm not 'trying to sound smart', even though I liked this place back then too. Guess maybe it just means I like what I'm doing, as long as I'm doing what I want? Anyway, that picture up there is from here. Here are some links, though, in honor of this landmark moment, on this Friday the 13th, of some posts I wrote, in which I actually like what I wrote, and didn't just use it as an excuse to 'post hot bros.'

-We talked about 'getting drunk' to hide your pain

-We talked about sports

-We talked about science

-We talked about religion and gay people in American society

-We talked about misinformation

Summer shape: Are you there yet?

Do you sometimes wish you were at a barbecue (or an underground parking garage, it's your life) with your shirt off? I would go to this 'block party' thing that one of my 'friends' would invite me to, and there would always be this shirtless guy there who was in great shape, and one or two other shirtless bros in less awesome shape, but still good enough that nobody tried to asphyxiate on their own vomit at how gross they were. I mean, this is America, so I know no one wants to WORK THAT HARD AT IT, but I know, deep down, people would like to have the option to be 'that guy' if they wanted. Obviously, the only people who even consider shedding clothes at a beer-fueled bbq are those who work on it, and, like, need to talk about it, or at least NEED YOU OGLING THEM, so it balances itself out.

Have you ever actually tried to reach this goal? Are you there yet? I figure it's sad and impossible to try to match the physique of someone in phote spreads, because you have NO IDEA what the lighintg and f-stop situation was at the shoot, so it's really hard to mimic editorial photography in real-life settings. You ever lift up your shirt in the bathroom, at the office?Flourescent lighting favors no man--it's a harsh reality. Just be careful with your summer-body goals, y'all.

pic via here

In the news: oh, brother

This is a picture of pro footballer Joe Montana's 18 y/o son for you to look at whenever the following news gets too depressing, which it will almost immediately. News:

-There's a club for gays and straights in Florida that can meet now. [ap]

-It's looking like gheys in Washington state will likely get full benefits under civil-unions, making them equitable to marriage, and ppl are pissed because they think marriage will be gunned for next. Look, people: you worship a book of fairy tales. Get the fuck over it. [seattle times]

-They're pushing for that Harvey Milk Day in California--from the article: "The Capitol Resource Institute has previously stated of the attempt to pass a Harvey Milk Day that, "This is yet another example of the campaign to normalize homosexual behavior not just in schools, but in our culture. We must continue to defend our traditional values despite the effort to demolish the very values that established and sustain our nation."" I hate god, like, 99% of the time, y'all. [shewired]

-Sweet, there's more of this shit: "San Francisco Archbishop George Niederauer told the Most Holy Redeemer Church in the city's Castro neighborhood that an Atherton Catholic school's production of a play that details an adolescent's struggle with his homosexuality and his Christian faith was not to be performed. 

Students from Sacred Heart Preparatory, under the direction of drama instructor John Loschmann, have produced an adaption of Alex Sanchez's controversial novel The God Box entitled "Be Still and Know."" [msnbc]

-People who want to adopt kids (you know what kind of people) face off with Florida for the sake of that right. [miamiherald]

picture from here

Sports are good to kill time, right?

picture via here

I have a bunch of free time now, so I'm thinking maybe I should get into sports? It'll either be basketball or something that involves a wetsuit, or maybe something that involves a white sparkly jacket. I'm trying to kinda hone in on whichever speaks to me the most, you know?

I mean, sports get you into shape, and if I join some sort of club, there are plenty of fit guys there, and that's the whole point of being alive, right? To find people to stare at creepily, or, like, go out with and start a family? Haha, I know that rule doesn't apply to fggts, I'm just saying in general, you guys, relax. But maybe surfing? I need to learn how to swim first tho. It could just be swimming that I do, since Michael Phelps is the new touchstone for physical perfection of the neck-down variety. Just some shit that I've been CONSIDERING, since I have time to workout like ten times a day if I wanted to, as long as I put aside time to get wasted. The working out is for the outside, the getting wasted is for to feel alive.

Greatest art house film of the last five years

It's a seriodramatic comedy called Never Back Down, and it is discusses themes of things not being what they appear, and tackles the different layers behind our understanding of the world and language--this is all implied, but it serves as an unspoken explanation for the events in the film. The main character, Jake, is a troublemaker and moves to Florida or whatever, where he soon meets the love of his life, a streetfighter named Ryan, played by ripped thespian Cam Gigandet. When the two first lock eyes, it's seriously one of the most heart-pounding moments I've ever experienced in my living room. This will probably get nominated for a Spirit Award this year (IF THERE'S ANY JUSTICE).

The two fight at a house party, a sweaty row that is supposed to be symbolic of these two making love for the first time, except the limitations of societal mores makes it so that these two young men cannot express, and so therefore must subvert, their sexual desires. This is presented in the abstract in the form of street fights. Jake loses, which represents him being the bottom. This is meant to portray societies ostracization of 'people like that' and so Jake goes on a journey to both win Ryan's love and prove to the world that he is as much a man, if not more than, his peers.

Seriously, the poetic beauty of the training montages (matched with tasteful radio rock selections) will bring tears to your eyes. The way the filmmakers use a constant barrage of shirtless, smooth-chested cover shots to convey the isolation and almost desperate state of the main character is perhaps one of the boldest artistic choices I've witnessed since Charlie Kaufman chose to put himself as a character in his film Adaptation. I won't spoil the ending, although you'll be able to see it coming. I'll just say this is going to be A HIT among the artsy crowd and might sweep the Oscars this year. I'm calling it now.

In the brain: Movies

Did I really watch Never Back Down? Not yet.

---------------------------------

Movies I have watched lately:

Synecdoche, New York: Rocked me gentle. I don't want to say this movie is amazing, but it's kind of effing genius. As in, you will probably not be exposed to something like this, done with this much inspiration, many more times maybe ever? If it speaks to you. If it doesn't, Starz has Never Back Down available on demand, which I'm gonna watch too, so don't feel bad.

Teeth: the vagina with teeth movie. It was very good, darkly entertains, bros.

Diary of the Dead: hokey as hell. Worth it for telegenic cast and violence; not much else goin for it.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall: funny. Mila Kunis is extraordinarily pretty, really, you guys.

Religulous: Good if you're into that kinda thing. Athiests probably need to grow some balls, is my conclusion.

Rec: Already talked about it. Is good.

Step Up 2 the Streets, Bro: already talked about. Good dancing, by the numbers everything else.

Rachel Getting Married: Good. Only a couple boring scenes, but features the most fun wedding after-party you will ever see, this year.

I got the pictures above from here.

# Whatever: warm weather

What's good about warm weather is that I don't have to wear the same 4 sweaters over and over again. I can be poor, without looking poor, because everyone basically looks poor in the spring and summer, because they all are sweaty and smell bad, and are wearing shorts, just like homeless people. But, further, this is the best time of year to be a closet case because guys are barely wearing anything in the summer, and it's a primo opportunity to ogle your ass off. Sure people will notice your gaze following the beefcakes and hot jailbait walking around with nary a leaflet to cover their loins, but what the fuck will you care? Your spank bank will be overstocked after the visual wasteland that is the winter months. Rejoice, clozzies. Maybe at the beach, your closest bro toweling down after coming in from the surf, he catches you checkin out his nips, and you look away, but he says, "It's cool, you can look." You smile at him, and get married to him 6 years later [in an alternate world where you won't go to hell for being a fagmo]. 

Here comes the sun, and it's all right. 

If Zack Efron stumbled into your bedroom drunk, and asked to pass out in your bed with you, would you let him, or make him crash on the couch?

I don't really want to know, I'm just asking for my friend.

Things around the Internet: Things

Here's a video from JD, who is a photographer, and on the blogroll over there. There are, like, dudes in it, so it works within this theme that I am trying to obliterate anyway [via destroying what you love in order to build something more powerful].

SCCL Blame-storm: Life is so real, you guys

Life is just so real sometimes. Like, sometimes you have something, and about 3.2 secs laters you just don't have it anymore, and there's nothing you can do about it. I think they call this 'real shit.' Sometimes you want to run away from the obvious, right? Maybe you're all happy about something, and it starts to suck, but you get used to it sucking, so instead of getting rid of it, you stick around and suffer with it, even though you 'wanna die sometimes'. They call it comfortable depression. I read about it on Twitterfall.

It's cool how you have to change the way you do things. Like, sometimes you try to get to the heart of closet case culture, in America, then you think you've gotten to the marrow and everything, and so you have to start basically making fun of Jake Gyllenhall in hopes of shaming him. Do I really think he's a clozzy? Maybe. But only because Reese Withsponianz is probs a lez. Don't sue me, y'all. It's just Sunday. Just trying to make it out alive. Just trying to decide if I should pay to see Watchmen or not. I hate spoilers is all. Gotta see it before the blogsphere blowhards it. Don't want to have to hurt sometone, or threaten violence.

Anyway, maybe there should be a big clozzy party? You think if I threw one, closetcases would really show up, or would it just be queenie twinks, who are in high school? Whatever, all I know is that I've seen the movie Step Up 2 tha Streets Y'all like 4 times already, and I don't even feel bad about it. Can I tell you a secret? I'm basically in love with the cast. Does that mean my life is probably empty? 

I blame the recession. I blame Barrack Obama. I blame my parents. I blame the Pope. I blame Polytheism. I blame HRO. I blame Facebook. I blame the Cobrasnake and Gawker dot com. I blame internet porn. I blame the Jonas Brothers (miss you guys). I blame the new Yeah Yeah Yeahs album. I blame Liza Minelli.  I blame kids who used to wear NIN t-shirts. I blame Verizone Wireless. I blame Apple store employees. I blame hicks from the South. 

I blame closetcases. 

I blame me.

Call me in three years, bro.

party pix via cobrasnake

In the movies: Viddy games as storytelling

Here is Ms. Witherspoon-Ledger-Gyllenhal on the set of her new movie, The Persian Twink Master: Rise of the Twinks.

picture via Kotaku

In the news: Prop h8-erade

"Gordon Brown has condemned California's ban on gay marriage as "unacceptable" and warned people to be vigilant against all forms of discrimination.

The prime minister said the ban, backed in a referendum in the US state in November, would "undo" much of recent progress made in tackling prejudice.

California became the 28th US state to prohibit gay marriage, overturning an earlier court ruling legalising it.

Same-sex civil partnerships became law in the UK in 2005." [bbc]

-the New York Times talks about this shtuff too, you guys. [nyt]

-That Brent Corrigan case is still going on, but ending soon. Hence the picture. [msnbc]

In the news: pertinent things

- There are still people who listen when the pope speaks. These are called Catholics, but then they also get outraged  when he says stuff they don't like. JUST STOP LISTENING! How hard is that? [canada]

-There's a dumb ad where Shaq acts in a manner which could be construed as homophobic. It has since been pulled. [adrants]

-Homophobia is still a problem, y'all, even for Lance Bass. [las vegas weekly]

-Prop 8 hearings in March. [gcn]

-"According to Democratic strategist Elaine Kamarck, the passage of Proposition 8 does not have serious long term implications for the LGBT community’s future within the Democratic Party. "The support for gay issues of all sorts is strongly correlated to age,” she explained in an interview with the HPR. “If you look at longitudinal polling, this is the fastest-changing social issue ever; it is all about generational change.” As today’s young people make up a larger share of the electorate, same-sex marriage will begin to become less controversial as a political issue." [harvard political review]

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IN ADDITION:

A note to Nick Jonas - 

Um, hi, Nick. Can you do me and other bloggers/internet peoples a really, really big favor, bro? Nah, it's not even, like, a big deal or whatever, but could you, um, maybe hurry up and turn 18 already? I know, I don't even know you, but, look, there are just some things that I would like to say about you, and even if it's okay to say them now, I would just be more comfortable if you were of a generally agreed upon legal age before I said them. So, yeah, just turn 18. It'd be awesome.

Cool, bro. Later days, I guess. (miss you)

#15: Shirtless dudes

I mean, right, you guys? Closet or no, when they see a shirtless guy, THEY HAVE TO LOOK. It makes them hate themselves, sure, and maybe they go home and carve scars into their skin because life isn't worth living with these 'strange feelings' but on a deep, demonic level, they like it. It's what they live for, and it's why living is so hard while denying it. 

Because, when they're flipping through the channels, and they see one, they have to stop. They do not realize why, but WHEN THEY DO, they keep flipping, and they hope that their best friends didn't notice the pause, but it's there, and it will always be there. There's nothing they can do about it. But they want to. They want to be able to do something about it.
So maybe they talk about how hot that chick is over there, or how much they hate homos (less common now that Obama's in office, you guys), or just about how they like spending time with their bros on a purely brosef level (and there's nothing wrong with that).
But that doesn't change the facts: people who like dudes, like shirtless dudes, and the 'closets' like dudes, inherently, the end.

Happiness is out there, wating for you; you just have to want it, you guys.