Would you let Joe Jonas sleep with your daughter?

Well? Would you?

As days go by, it's the....something, something. Whatever, I'm trying to sing the Family Matters theme

Which I sometimes confuse with the Full House theme? Don't know why, but I basically always do that.

-I gave my cat a sip of a chocolate nutritional drink. It made him stand on his hind legs and beg for more.

-I kind of hate myself because every time I see a picture of Zac Efron, I'm always like, "Oh, man." Which is sad, right? Who the fuck does he think he is? [pic via jezebel]

-I've been writing ecards at someecards and it's a lot of fun, especially when they actually seem to be liked, which is not always.

-You ever notice how Brent Corrigan is always posing and shit in his videos? It's like, some of us are into the fourth wall, dude.

-Doesn't it suck how if you basically lay your cards on the table and tell some dude you're like soulmates and shit, how you can't go back? Because you CAN NOT go back--it either ends well (which is almost never the case for fagmos) or it ends badly, which is nearly surefire this day and age. But I'm tellin you, right?

-So bored right now. Not in the suicide-y way, just am. Maybe go for a walk? Trying to hate Kanye less. Miss you, JoBros.

In the news: pertinent things

- There are still people who listen when the pope speaks. These are called Catholics, but then they also get outraged  when he says stuff they don't like. JUST STOP LISTENING! How hard is that? [canada]

-There's a dumb ad where Shaq acts in a manner which could be construed as homophobic. It has since been pulled. [adrants]

-Homophobia is still a problem, y'all, even for Lance Bass. [las vegas weekly]

-Prop 8 hearings in March. [gcn]

-"According to Democratic strategist Elaine Kamarck, the passage of Proposition 8 does not have serious long term implications for the LGBT community’s future within the Democratic Party. "The support for gay issues of all sorts is strongly correlated to age,” she explained in an interview with the HPR. “If you look at longitudinal polling, this is the fastest-changing social issue ever; it is all about generational change.” As today’s young people make up a larger share of the electorate, same-sex marriage will begin to become less controversial as a political issue." [harvard political review]

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IN ADDITION:

A note to Nick Jonas - 

Um, hi, Nick. Can you do me and other bloggers/internet peoples a really, really big favor, bro? Nah, it's not even, like, a big deal or whatever, but could you, um, maybe hurry up and turn 18 already? I know, I don't even know you, but, look, there are just some things that I would like to say about you, and even if it's okay to say them now, I would just be more comfortable if you were of a generally agreed upon legal age before I said them. So, yeah, just turn 18. It'd be awesome.

Cool, bro. Later days, I guess. (miss you)

In the media: the Jonas Brothers

I find it very difficult to hate the Jonas Brothers. And I hate everyONE and everyTHING. Seriously, think of a noun, and I probably have something awful to say about it. People ask me why I'm so quiet, and that's why: I am brimming with vitriol, people. But, with the JBz, AS I CHOOSE TO CALL THEM, they are so fundamentally opposite everything I strive for (except money) that I have no choice but to embrace them, you know? Sure, they love Jesus and I blaspheme and spit in god's face at every chance I get. They are upbeat and my heart is blacker than the crudest of fossil fuels. The only thing we have in common is how much we likely touch ourselves, and yet they probably have more buttsecks than me (because they are Pure and buttsecks doesn't count in the eyes of Jesus).

I love bands that let seep through some semblance of honesty, but I am open to like most anything (the newish song "Kill the Lights" by Britney Spears is appreciated by me these days as much as the bulk of Mr. Oizo's Lamb's Anger lp, as much as Ten Kens, a band I am recently digging), yet cannot find an angle from which to fully embrace the Bro-bros music, or to not feel weird even listening to it (there's something about it that says Stay Away). Someone on some board somewhere today pointed out how these guys have a full band that plays along with them, and I think this speaks of the larger problem: they are controlled by Disney, and Disney is a money-hungry, brand-spewing monster. Britney Spears' life is a crudely-polished turd right now, and if the JBz suffer the same fate, I'll be kind of annoyed at the world, because there are three of them, and they're brothers, and they should be looking out for each other, and not getting brainwashed by big corpos or even their 'rents, as kids say these days, right?? So maybe they'll be okay. But, I dunno. Nick, the youngest, has been in show bizness THE LONGEST. His parents (and I'm speculating here) have to be scumbags on some level--smart, bizness savvy, sure, but they are loving the money coming in, and who wouldn't?? But still, I find myself constantly defending them. I dunno--with the aforemention Ms. Spears, I basically coveted her downfall since I was in high school. I just wanted that bitch (sorry) to go down, just bein honest. But now that she has, it sucks and now I know I was a jerk.

So, Jonases? Please, if management starts crushing up vikes handing out lines after the show, or offers you their scrip of addies shaped like Flinstones vitamens before a Regis and Kelly taping, SAY NO. Life is long, and it's tremendous, and as long as your goal, growing up, is to be cool™, and understanding™, and to learn as much as possible, you'll be fine. But if evangelicalism (?) proves to be the Titanic I think it might be (I am wrong a lot, though, guys, and I care, really sorta I guess) then promise me that you won't go down with the ship. I will continue to defend you, and I apologize if this came across as condescending.

NOTE: I think I am only interested because (a) whoever styles them has wicked sense of style and I want anything Nick wears and (b) I am fully down with raising Joe's kids.

Just say the word, bro. [pictures via Variety]

On Teevee: The American Music Awards

CHAPTER ONE: AMAs

After a certain age, human animals should be able to give up a couple fantasies they've used to protect themselves growing up, Lord Space Santa might be the ticket for some people. What I had to give up was the idea that American award shows actually mean anything. They don't. I mean, some of the film ones do, like the Oscars. The Oscars are classy, and also they are comptetitive, so it kind of means something if you win (unless you are Diablo Cody), kind of like getting into an Ivy League school, or having an iPhone. In that way, the Spirit Awards probably kind of mean something too, as many of those awards overlap anyway (the jury is still out on the Golden Globes). But anybody with the maturity level of an American 17-year-old should know that the Grammys mean nothing. When there are awesome indie bands that get totally ignored because they don't get rotation on old-school venues (broadcast radio, mtv), but Alicia Keys sweeps or Timbaland sweeps (while Justice has to settle for making out with each other)...let's just say that most people watch these things for the pretty pictures of Miley, or to see if Xtina humps her mic stand or fellates a bible or something. Y'know, American music type stuff!


It's also fun to see who wins, then get outraged because it's inconsequential, esp. after the Nov 4th election, right? Well, whatever, ABC dot com has your full list of winners, BUT, I have to warn you, Alvin and the Chipmunks is among them. Investigate at your own peril, bros.