On the internet: Saturdays aren't really big news days

-Do you watch the Survivor? It's supposed to be some show where people walk around half-dressed, on an island, and they get to win money if they are not too irritating/a threat. Anyway, some photogenic gay person was on there, and was supposedly straight-acting, and maybe said some comments before the show would suggest he hates himself (ie. hates homos) but he got kicked off the show recently and SO doesn't hate gay people, just hates that it's so popular for OTHER PEOPLE to hate them/us/him/you. That's his picture right there, for the pervs in the club. [after elton]

-Ashton Kutcher is a hero. [gaywired]

-Here's a depressing story about gays in the military. [denverwestwordblog]

-No ghey marriage until everyone has a job, y'all. [msnbc]

-Here is a story about Harlow Cuadra and how he might be sentenced to death, in 2009, in America. Wanna play a drinking game? Read the article and drink a shot of bleach everytime the writer mentions gay porn for no reason. [timesleader]

On the teevees: the United States of Tara

Ok, y'all, I'm not in love with Diabo Codeface or anything. I thought Juno was pretty good, but it didn't change my stance on abortion or anything (my stance is that abortions taste great with baked potatoes). I'm happy to see subversive writers make a name for themselves, even if they write for Entertainment Weekly and, like, every other word is some cutesy bullshit. Whatever, y'know, it's a 'style choice'.

But I watched the first episode of Showtimes new hit series (pukes) the US of Tara, and I was like, "What the shiz is this shizz tore up from the floor up?" It's hokey, clownish, does not take itself seriously, and made me feel sort of dumb for watching it. AND I HAVE WATCHED EVERY EPISODE SINCE, YOU GUYS. I am addicted to this shit now. I don't know where they're going with this, but Diablo Cody, listen to me: you better fucking go somewhere with it, because I am on board now. The rebel daughter? I am on board. The gay son who you treat with respect? I am on board. The father who doesn't realize he is being marginalized? I am there. The alters//Toni Collette//her sister//the whole shit? I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt. Are you making me love you for this? -sigh- Don't even ask. Just don't Dawson's Creek me (via set the show up for failure as you try to get more mainstream and end up fucking your career and writing werewolf movies that get assfucked by the studio.) Do this right. I'm watching now. Don't waste my time, or yours, or Speilburgs (sp). PLEASE, Y'ALL. I want this to be good. The end, y'all.

On Teevee: The American Music Awards

CHAPTER ONE: AMAs

After a certain age, human animals should be able to give up a couple fantasies they've used to protect themselves growing up, Lord Space Santa might be the ticket for some people. What I had to give up was the idea that American award shows actually mean anything. They don't. I mean, some of the film ones do, like the Oscars. The Oscars are classy, and also they are comptetitive, so it kind of means something if you win (unless you are Diablo Cody), kind of like getting into an Ivy League school, or having an iPhone. In that way, the Spirit Awards probably kind of mean something too, as many of those awards overlap anyway (the jury is still out on the Golden Globes). But anybody with the maturity level of an American 17-year-old should know that the Grammys mean nothing. When there are awesome indie bands that get totally ignored because they don't get rotation on old-school venues (broadcast radio, mtv), but Alicia Keys sweeps or Timbaland sweeps (while Justice has to settle for making out with each other)...let's just say that most people watch these things for the pretty pictures of Miley, or to see if Xtina humps her mic stand or fellates a bible or something. Y'know, American music type stuff!


It's also fun to see who wins, then get outraged because it's inconsequential, esp. after the Nov 4th election, right? Well, whatever, ABC dot com has your full list of winners, BUT, I have to warn you, Alvin and the Chipmunks is among them. Investigate at your own peril, bros.

On the websites: Defamer talks the Advocate talking SNL

Our favorite writer on Defamer (and of the entire current Gawker network, give or take a couple people, whatever, that's not the point) is Seth, who has blown our minds with his punchlines to even the most mundane of post subjects; we want to be more like him, is our point. But whatever, today he covered the Advocate (short for "the Devil's Advocate," we're sure) and their interview with Seth Myers of SNL, where they talked about how gay last week's episode was. I noticed it was pretty ghey, and most wouldn't complain about Andy Samberg making out with dudes and stuff, so I was wondering what the beef was, when it was clear Defamer wasn't totally in the tank for some of the skits presented. And so here's the beef, according to Seth (Defamer versz):

The point isn't that the writing was mean-spirited; it's that it's lazy, and
dated, and relies on gayness as a punchline unto itself. Two openly gay
mechanics in love bickering over their wedding plans is actually a premise that
could produce some well-observed comedy. But two deeply closeted mechanics
admitting to sucking dick in glory holes, then suddenly announcing their
engagement, is something else entirely. It's a Yes on 8 ad.

And while we're sure some of their best writers are gay, you know what might help even more? How about convincing Lorne Michaels to hire his first openly gay SNL cast member? (And Terry Sweeney doesn't count. That was the Dick Ebersol-produced season.) HAHAHA! Just kidding—we know that will never happen. Who's going to laugh at two guys sucking face when you know one's totally getting his rocks by Andy Samberg off while doing it?[defamer]

We wanted to disagree with him immediately (without the election, SNL needed to do something topical, and this was what they went for), but pretty much, he's got a point. But it's really hard to tell sometimes when one (me) is being a stick in the mud for not being cool with gay humor (young people calling stuff "gay" and shizz like that) and when we're legitimately supposed to be offended because we have been, well, offended. But I do remember squirming during the skit he mentions above, but sometimes it's like I spend the whole day squirming, plus I'm sure I was drunk, so, yeah, maybe if everyone just starts being nice to us, our emotional responses to SNL skits won't be so confusing.

Um...yeah: Isaiah Washington breaks his silence

So Grey's Anatomy, America's alternative to Dancing with the Stars and painkillers, had a lesbian character on it, and ABC totally had her cut from the show and now her love-interest likes dick again since the only other lesbian got fired because ABC hates all the mincing about and swishiness associated with dykey bulldyke lesbos, and Isaiah Washington will not be having any of this, because this is almost 2009, and Lindsay Lohan is America's gay best-friend, and gay people are the new awesome. From teh Star Ledger:

Isaiah Washington, who got canned from "Grey's Anatomy" for using the gay
slur against co-star T.R. Knight, criticized ABC for firing Brooke Smith, who
played a fledgling lesbian on the show. Though show creator Shonda Rhimes
insists Smith did not get fired because of her Sapphic storyline, Washington
says the dismissal was "harsh."

"The fact is that, just before the holidays, you have a mother, a wonderful actress removed from a steady income without the proper reasoning behind it," he tells TVGuide.com. [sl]

Okay, that's sad we gess, but let's go back and hang out with that quote a little: "who got canned...for using THE gay slur!" The slur? There's only one now? Is that supposed to be subtle, Star-Ledger humor? I'm guessing faggot is THE gay slur du jour these days, popularized by Isaiah Washington's rage issues and certified by the Star-Ledger, approved by America. Next time someone calls me a flamer or colon-raider, I'll laugh in their face and be all, "Haha, you're stupid that's not even the gay slur, dad."