SCCL Moments: Keeling ur Idolls

Is it okay to look up to people? When I was younger I used to always have to, like, be in elementary school and shit. Why? Who knows, it's not like I'm using my sixth grade diploma for anything. But whatever, we had one assignment where we had to write about someone who we 'looked up to'. This was hard for me, because I realized at this moment, that I didn't look up to anybody. People were writin' bout their dad's and I was like I....don't exactly look up to him. So I realized at that moment that I needed an idol, and I needed one really fast.

So living in a suburbo-rural area, I decided to look up to the white trash guys who I wanted to love me because my parents didn't act like they did, you know? WE HAVE ALL BEEN THERE. Don't lie, okay, not in front of company. But I realized that these guys were on exisistential hamster wheels and would never really do anything to make sure they were set free. I realized I wasnt' shooting high enough in the stars for my idol, you guys. I needed to dig deeper.

Then I went back to not looking up to anyone, just hating everyone. That's when I decided that God had to die, and thus began my process of killing my idols, and also, killing yours. This process basically went on forever. I was allowed to appreciate someone's contributions to society, but I was not allowed to really think anyone was all that great (per the agreement I made with myself). Being a godless a-hole in a world of god-ly a-holes, made it so that it was easy to hate everyone who wasn't a good-looking guy. Through maybe Darwinism or something, I needed to like something/one, and so again, unfortunately, my this is what I would idolize.

Now I just appreciate people who do things that I want to do, or do already, but who seem to be doing them better than me, for whatever reason. This is called admiration and is not the same thing as looking up. It's more like looking at. WHAT IS MY POINT?? My point is it's always impossible for me to like something in anything more than a backhanded way (after the initial infatuation of liking it in the first place) and that maybe I should do something about that. As in, maybe you should, bro. Maybe YOU should.