Sunday, January 11, 2009

#11: Not being alone

Because there are so many voices in our heads, all the time, sometimes all at once, screaming--meaning, like, nobody wants to be alone, let alone a closetcasey. Even if it's just being at the bar, our favorite, unattractive but funny in a 'you should do stand-up' way buddy's hand around our shoulder.

The truth about our sexual nature's can be dibilitatingly frightening sometimes, especially if we are an ethnic minority. Our largely marginilized culture has to have a lot of pride here in the State's, and has fostered a practice of cultural homophobia to align itself with the thoughts of Jezuz Christ, the American war god. What this means is we can never 'come out' of our shells 100%, and so must spend 89% of our lives alone, crying--having a family member, like your cool older sister, is clutch in this case, as she prevents us from being alone.

Or maybe you've already come out as 'a hipster' (which makes you gay), but there are no other gays in your small Texas town, but sometimes bands like Digitalism or Clues comes to town, and we bring our two best girlfriends along, because they've been getting into electro too. We might not find a man to hold us and tell us we'll be okay for another 10, 15 years. Maybe he'll be at this YYYs show, maybe he won't. Either way, you've got your two best gfs, so you'll never really be able to say no one was there for you you're whole life, even though it felt that way.

Maybe the other guys at the Auto Body Shoppe are jerks and always calling people and things faggots, like, 'this faggy coffee machine don't work, braa,' and so you want to come out to them, but you're afraid of losing the only friends you have, even if the friendship isn't based on trust or honesty, just based on an isolating work schedule and beer. There might be a 'vampire bar' nearby, where you can be yourself, not feel like the walls are closing in on you, like life isn't worth living. Maybe you listen to "Someday is Tonight" from Rhythm Nation on the drive over.

Or maybe you just take druqz to survive the daily horrorscape of a waking life restricted by Social Mores established when the Pope got to make all the rules, and scared people into not sucking each others' penises, or rubbing their vaginas together. Maybe you've found 'the one' who will do psychodelics with you, and laff, and talk about politics and Hunter Thompson, and think that Music was a good Madonna album, for the kind of music it is. 

Sometimes we're forced to be alone because being gay is a sin from the Bill of Sins, which was written by the Founding Fathers of America, and, even tho we were raised to think it's cool, everyone else wasn't. Or maybe we were raised to want to drag fags from trucks, and so our Corbin Fisher membership is 'our business'. Whatever the sitch, closetcases effect everyone, probably even the economy. Choose wisely. Fin

Photos by Cobrasnake
Concept by HRO

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