Thursday, January 29, 2009

#13: Being religious


Because religion is nothing if not a set of inarguable justifications. For behavior, for intentions--they are rules, and if you are following rules, then you are not suspicious, are not a suspect. You are noble. At first, religion can just be an excuse, internally, for why the closetcase can never come to terms with who he truly is--being gay is a sin (ask anybody) and if he is spending his life avoiding sin, then what does it mean if there is a sin LIVING INSIDE OF HIM?? How does one come to terms with that over which he has no control? There are two ways to go here.


One: You can tell yourself that 'everybody has these types of feelings' and that makes it a CHOICE and you are CHOOSING not to be gay. I have met people like this. "Being gay is a choice." "Did you choose to be straight then?" "YES I DID." "Oh..." If it is a choice, then you are straight, and there is a cure, and you will be okay. Being gay becomes like alcoholism--maybe something you are predisposed to, but can overcome with enough conviction. It is TEMPTATION, and the godbible says that temptation is the devilbot and must be overcome, y'all. This is good for the closetcase because he is scared asItalic shit of his true feelings and of losing everyone he loves, and of going to HELL. Remedy? Stop believing in fairytales, stop fearing death, and live while you still can. The other scenario?


Scenario Two: Realize that being gay is not a choice, but living a lie is a choice, and choose to do that. This doesn't even come with the awesome mania of religious zealotry. This is just openly choosing to hate yourself and everyone around you, but allowing some chick, who doesn't know any better because she's as dumb as you are, to marry your stupid ass and be miserable with you forever and shit. What will happen, invariably, is this gay side of you will begin to seep out, slowly at first, then more rapidly, with more intensity, until you are blowing people you shouldn't. Maybe it's a cop in a bathroom. Maybe it's a weak-minded young person whom you are taking advantage of. Whatever, the point is, it will be unhealthy, and you will be middle-aged by this point, and it will be over for you. You would have left a trail of unhappiness in your wake, and how do you justify that enough to go to heaven, brah? We love you, we're just saying. The remedy? Get a boyfriend.


Of course some people need some kind of faith in something, especially if having faith in themselves is not enough, or if they really like their parents and so have to pretend to believe what their parents told them or else they will feel as if they are betraying them. We can tell from experience, y'all: it's hard to put your future in your own hands entirely, instead of partially in a god's. It takes a lot of work. So we start small. Just choose not to use people out of fear. Everybody has feelings, and just because you don't care about your own doesn't mean it's okay to not care about other people's. If you don't want to come out, just shut up about anything gay. YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TALK ABOUT IT. Good, bad, you cannot be an authority, bro. The next step would be liking yourself, and realizing that maybe if believing in something is ruining your life, maybe it's not for you. We wish the world was different, too. So bad, y'all.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

SCCL Favorites


Because you have to eat yourself every once in a while, and I get afraid that my old posts will get lost, you guys. Read some, okay? Cool:





Blast from the Past




You guys remember Michael Phelps from last year? Remember how he made us want to get into shape and shit, and love America, and want to not drown in the pool? He made you remember that it's okay to enjoy the male physique, even when you're with your boys and you guys don't openly discuss how hot each other are, y'know. Frickin Phelps, man. Blast from the past, you guys!

In the news: Buncha stuff



There's like a gay character in a video game or something. This matters, y'all. [
examiner]

Some Khristians want the 'right to hate fggts' or something. Pretty sure you already have that right, buddy. [guardianUK]

"James O'Connor (19) one of the men accused of murdering gay Liverpool teen, Michael Causer, in an allegedly homophobic attack, yesterday pleaded guilty to murdering Causer, but as part of his plea insisted that the motive was not homophobia." I mean, honestly, when someone gets killed, the death is probably the bigger deal. [lgf-dot-org]

Iceland is set to appoint the first openly gay Prime Minister. Wait, wait, don't get excited--it's just a lesbian. (Kidding, love lesbians, for real). [ap]

"Thousands are expected in Denver for a gay-rights conference opening Wednesday.The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force says more than 2,000 people are expected at the downtown Denver conference that runs through the weekend." [slt]

"It didn't take long for Utah gay-rights advocates, uplifted after energetic rallies and supportive polls, to be brought down to earth. On day two of the 2009 Legislature, the first in a series of gay-rights bills -- seemingly the least controversial piece in the Common Ground Initiative -- died Tuesday in the Senate judiciary committee." [slt]

Gay people can't be homos in the army and someone made a doc about it. [afterElton]

New Mexico wants samesex gay fucking marriage to boys or something? Dunno, can't read, y'all. [ontop]


Wednesday, January 21, 2009

In the news: Gay scandals


Not sandals. Briefly, cuz it's bedtime, Portland, Ore's gay mayor had gay buttsex with a hot dude (pictured) and now he's going to hell, in court, and in the news. Gay people do sins and will be punished, the end. [unzipped]

Monday, January 19, 2009

New President Tomorrow


So somebody just told me we're getting a new preznit tomorrow--when did this happen? Think I was taking a napsies. I just read some news tho, so I'm up to speed. Did you know a gay bishop was up in Washingtone Deescee, but that part didn't air on teevee? Obama's team blames themselves. Whatever. New President, everybody! This one is black, like me, but might be morally opposed to how much I love penises (freakin love those things, guys!), so we'll see how this works out.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Recommending movies with SCCL


I saw the movie
Shelter. I don't really like talking about what movies are about, per se, because I don't really think that matters. But it's essentially about a dude whose life is unfulfilling until he meets and falls in love with someone it's impossible for him to be with, at least within his current circumstances. Or, in other words, a ghey movie. It's probably one of the better LGBT (whatever) movies I've seen; no one plays a stereotype, and, the kicker, it's emotionally honest. I pretty much recognized 80% of the situations here, and it'll probably be the case for most other people as well.


 The next one I saw was Transamerica, I know I know, late to the party, but I liked it. It was funny. Felicity Huffman was really good and delivered her zingers well, and pulled off her crying bits authentically (with drool and everything). For the pervs, there's also the eye candy of the kid who plays her son, Kevin Zegers, and his character is very sexually charged (not in the annoying LGBT movie tradition, it's truly 'part of the character'), so there's also that. It's a solid drama, whatever.


Lastly, and the least gayly, is Be Kind Rewind, which is better than I feel some critics wanted my ass to think it was when it came out. People kind of slammed Michel Gondry, via 'he's a crappy writer only a good director', and I don't know the level to which the film was improvised, but the dialogue wasn't bad. Maybe they meant the emotional arc was lacking, which I suppose I could see, but I wasn't offended by it or anything. I laughed aloud a few times, and tend to not even like Jack Black, almost at all sometimes, so that was a feat for the picture. If you want a low-key comedy to kill a little of 90 minutes, then go for this.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

#12: Societies General Ignorance About What 'Gay' Actually Is, and What it Isn't


Because if everyone actually understood homosexuality, they would realize you're a total closetcase.  

The way it works, 80% of the country is Christian, and, historically, but, most importantly, in the now, Evangelical Christians have been the most vocally outspoken against teh gays. It's science. But, what that also means is that the majority of the American Gays were raised Christian, but only the gay ones know that there's nothing they could do about it. They like cock and that's that. The myth of it being a choice is a misconception that allows even the most flaming of closetcases to 'not be gay' because they are 'choosing not to live that lifestyle'. What people aren't realizing is You Are Gay. You don't pick that shit. So that totally gay dude is totally gay, he just isn't acting on it. Do you know how 'gay' I was when I was a kid? Very. I probably got butcher as I got older, but, seriously, there wasn't a lot of choice going on there. I wasn't into peens til puberty, but I was a total homo way before sex was an option.


A coworker defended a prominent celebrity from 'being called gay' by saying, "He can't be gay, he's a christian." I wanted to throw a bucket of dead frogs at her, but this only goes to show the misconception, and how closetcases use it to their advantage. Sure, if everyone was tolerant, there'd be no need to be a 'case to begin with, but these are the people helping to perpetuate this cycle. Knowing more gays, and knowing MORE ABOUT gays would help homosexuals have a better time in the world, but closetcases are not intersted in this. They only want to cover their own asses. They want to marry some poor-sap straight girl, who will totally marry this gey guy ('cause gay guys are hot, especially closetcases), and then raise a bunch of intolerant kids who can go on spreading the ignorance that serves as a cover for future generations of repressed 'cases.*

Because 'cases are angry. At themselves, at the world. They have nothing to gain from encouraging their Actually Straight counterparts to educate themselves. Nobody wants to believe science--they want to believe what they are told by people who don't scare them. Fancy scientists, with their elitist tests and measurements are the enemy in this country, and in the Middle East and the Black Community and stuff. It is in these regions that the closetcase can feel the safest, can persecute the most, and can hid in a house of ignorace, forever.

*The idea being, people are born Christian, not born gay, that they chose to be that way. This ignorance makes people not only feel safer, but 'better' than gay people. It allows them to believe that 'something is wrong' with gay people. They will say things like, "Something's wrong with that guy, don't know what it is" or "He acts funny sometimes." Because being gay is like being Edward Scissorhands--the world does not get you, they just know that you must be destroyed.

pics via LNP and CS

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Breif News Things


- Prince Harry is awesome if you're gay because he kissed a boy or something (if you wear things on your head resembling towels, however, not so awesome perhaps?) [
ap]

-"Every two or three days a person is killed in Brazil in violence connected with his or her sexuality, according to Brazil’s oldest gay rights association, Grupo Gay da Bahia (GGB). In Mexico, the reported figure is nearly two a week." [unaids]

-"Eleven people were charged today with chanting abuse at Portsmouth defender Sol Campbell during a Premiership match with Tottenham Hotspur last year.

The group, which includes two 15-year-olds and a 13-year-old, is alleged to have subjected the former England player to indecent chanting during the club's 2-0 home win against Spurs at Fratton Park in September." It's gay related, trust me. [guardian uk]

-Al Sharpton is supporting gay marriage (this is cool to me). [TRP]

-Rick Warren sucks, as always. [usnews]



On the shelf: The Ruins [so spoilery]



Yeah, so I saw Bugcrush like everybody else, and, like everybody else, I thought it was good. Carter Smith, director of that, got his first studio gig because of it, that gig being Ruins the Movie Experience. Whatever, I just saw the movie, literally, like two seconds ago. What I did before that was slog through the novel. Slog, because it was sitting in my room untouched, me only having read maybe the first quarter of the thing. About a month ago I picked it back up and sort of steadily got through it, until there was about a third left, at which point all I did was read this fucking book. I swear, it was born and raised in Awesometown (Isreal). 

Basically some young kids with lots to live for and very believable personalities go on vacay, meet a Greek and a German, then go on a trizzle to find the German's brother at some the Ruins or whatever. They get there and its all kinds of fucked up. Essentially, Scott Smith, the author, kicked my ass for about 500 hundred pages of mass market paperback (300 or so for trade). This novel is brutal. I usually don't read straight-up horror novels, not in years (I used to covet Bentley Little, Stevey Kingface, and House of Leaves was my favorite up until recently too), but Mr. Smith is an excellent character developer and scenarist. He had me by the balls the entire time. I don't wish I'd written this, but I'm glad that someone has taken horror seriously enough to have done so. Seriously, even if you think you're too good for a scary book, you will be pleased with this, I promise. He makes you feel for these people, and he makes you hope, as they do, that it's going to be okay in some way--maybe it won't be perfect, yeah, life won't be the same, but IT JUST HAS TO BE OKAY in SOME WAY, because that's the it works. That's the way it HAS to work, in life and in a novel with so much dedication obviously put into it. Why would somebody write a book just to slowly allow their characters (who they must live with basically forever) to slowly detiorate, mentally and physically, until they are gone, gone, gone? I guess the answer is 'because he can', because he does it here.

The movie is okay. Kinda weaksauce maybe? It has some gory imagery, but it's pretty flimsy and needless compared to the steady suspense and muscle of the novel. Whatever--it's what happens when you assume your audience will be made up of retards, I guess. STOP PANDERING. That is all.



Pandering to gays is OK because it is an underutilized pander.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

SebastiAn holding a drink, looking buzzed.

Our newest feature (SebastiAn holding a drink, looking buzzed/blazed) is inspired by the fact that before we loved Ed Banger's flagship band (you know who they are) and the de Rosnay half of that band, in a photogenics way, we liked SebastiAn. He has less songs, but we're predicting his album will be serviceable or more, which is a good thing. Without further adieu, folks:



Thank you. Have a nice day.

---------------------------------------

Also, Brady Quinn's life never gets easier, and neither does Ronaldo's. Poor them? Chuuch!




#11: Not being alone

Because there are so many voices in our heads, all the time, sometimes all at once, screaming--meaning, like, nobody wants to be alone, let alone a closetcasey. Even if it's just being at the bar, our favorite, unattractive but funny in a 'you should do stand-up' way buddy's hand around our shoulder.


The truth about our sexual nature's can be dibilitatingly frightening sometimes, especially if we are an ethnic minority. Our largely marginilized culture has to have a lot of pride here in the State's, and has fostered a practice of cultural homophobia to align itself with the thoughts of Jezuz Christ, the American war god. What this means is we can never 'come out' of our shells 100%, and so must spend 89% of our lives alone, crying--having a family member, like your cool older sister, is clutch in this case, as she prevents us from being alone.


Or maybe you've already come out as 'a hipster' (which makes you gay), but there are no other gays in your small Texas town, but sometimes bands like Digitalism or Clues comes to town, and we bring our two best girlfriends along, because they've been getting into electro too. We might not find a man to hold us and tell us we'll be okay for another 10, 15 years. Maybe he'll be at this YYYs show, maybe he won't. Either way, you've got your two best gfs, so you'll never really be able to say no one was there for you you're whole life, even though it felt that way.


Maybe the other guys at the Auto Body Shoppe are jerks and always calling people and things faggots, like, 'this faggy coffee machine don't work, braa,' and so you want to come out to them, but you're afraid of losing the only friends you have, even if the friendship isn't based on trust or honesty, just based on an isolating work schedule and beer. There might be a 'vampire bar' nearby, where you can be yourself, not feel like the walls are closing in on you, like life isn't worth living. Maybe you listen to "Someday is Tonight" from Rhythm Nation on the drive over.


Or maybe you just take druqz to survive the daily horrorscape of a waking life restricted by Social Mores established when the Pope got to make all the rules, and scared people into not sucking each others' penises, or rubbing their vaginas together. Maybe you've found 'the one' who will do psychodelics with you, and laff, and talk about politics and Hunter Thompson, and think that Music was a good Madonna album, for the kind of music it is. 


Sometimes we're forced to be alone because being gay is a sin from the Bill of Sins, which was written by the Founding Fathers of America, and, even tho we were raised to think it's cool, everyone else wasn't. Or maybe we were raised to want to drag fags from trucks, and so our Corbin Fisher membership is 'our business'. Whatever the sitch, closetcases effect everyone, probably even the economy. Choose wisely. Fin

Photos by Cobrasnake
Concept by HRO

In the news: The human torch, couple religious people, jailed gays

In the news:

-Chris Evans has a gay brother. [radar]

-There is a gay priest, and it is news. [denver post]

-"Supporters of the ballot measure that banned gay marriage in California have filed a lawsuit seeking to block their campaign finance records from public view, saying the reports have led to the harassment of donors." Aw, poor dudes. [ap]

-Rick Warren sucks, whatever. [usatoday]

-There is supposed to be what sounds like a serviceable documentary about Ted Haggart, the Blow Job and Meth minister who was 'embroiled' in a 'scandal' a couple years back. Sfgate has bits of an interview (as publicity for the doc) and it is interesting. [sfgate]

-9 men were convicted of being homos, in Senegal. [ap]

Monday, January 5, 2009

I saw Speed Racer


Just because it felt like an appropriate thing to do on a Sunday. I watched football the night before, so, in order to acheive balance in the Force (a combination of wine and migraine medication), I decided to align myself with the Watchowski Bros and get down with their pretend kids movie, the Speed Racers.

I enjoyed it. It was silly but that's not a big deal, because who really cares that much about Speed Racer as a franchise anyway? This is probably the best possible movie someone could have made out of that material. Or, the best any of us could expect in 2k8, the time of its release. Basically it's hokey dailogue + Emile Hirsche 'playing it straight' + Christina Ricci totally playing a cartoon character + Susan Surandon-Roth and Dad From Roseanne representing those archetypes, lightheartedly in her case + crazy green screen streaks of light and car sounds + stupid kid stuff that's only marginally annoying + a ten y/o giving the middle finger, Speed saying "get that shit off my track," people saying ass a lot + stylized Kung Fu and FAMILY VALUES. Not better than Iron Man, though, which was it's comp in theaters.

 

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Picture post: Thoughts on what we want from the future

Brought to you by the Cobra Snake:
Reading hipsty runny has made me realize that maybe I should have a less demanding job that allows me to party more. Partying on new years eve showed me that what I'm missing is carefreeness and youthfulness. But the thing is, I've got, like, goals. These guys probably have goals too, though.

Getting pussy is a goal for some. Or hiding the desire for dick. Whatever, sometimes having a goal is a full-time job in itself. Ever since i was younger, I was able to mimic really well. I'd find a writer I liked, and I'd learn how to write just like them. Find a band I like, write songs like them. This has been happening with my blogging too, and I don't know how to fix it.


I lost my phone over the summer and had to get a crap one for free. Now, when I get phone calls, I want to cry because the phone sux dick bags, but in the bad way. I want to party with people who have a lot of money and no blemishes. Who chew on straws because they're coked up.

I don't ever want to work in the food-service industry tho. People only do it because they have to. I might get laid off; I might have to.


I can't wait til it gets warm out here on the east coast. I want to go to bar-be-cues and take off my shirt and smile and do drugs with people I only hang out with because I'm not dating anyone, but plan to drop as soon as I have a partner.




I want to move out of New Jersey. I want to not have to explain where I'm coming from to people. I want everyone I know to love themselves. Is there a place on earth like that? It used to be New York, but I don't know anymore. I might have to go see for myself for an 'extended stay'. I want one of my best friends to go with me. I don't want to be alone.





I want to stop doing drugs, but I don't really think I want to stop. I'm pretty sure I don't want to stop drinking, though. I want to make money doing what I love. I want to love something that loves me back. I want to be able to afford to eat food whenever I want it. I want my cat to be neutered. Will the new year be able to fit all of these things into it, along with World Peace and a new Harry Potter movie? Won't you find out with me? The end.

Oscar Bait Corner: Button and the Wrestler



Okay, so I saw Bennie Buttonz' Curious Cases and The Wrastler. Benjamin Button is a cute movie, Brad Pitt does a good job, and the special effects are convincing and you don't really think twice about them. I liked Tilda Swinton in this too, but everybody loves her, and she's kind of expected to do a good job anyway, now isn't she? Cate Blanchett (I'm not spell-checking any of these names, sadly) was good too, but she's kind of whatever to me. Overall though, I didn't think the movie was all that amazing--it was good, obviously, well-done, but it didn't, like, grab me and refuse to let go or anything. Of all the Oscar Bait films I've seen this season, this was probably the least exciting experience I had. I didn't realize the Roth dude (the screenwriter) had also written Forrest Gump, but it was all I could think about while watching this--when I found out that he had, it solidified David Fincher's film as something I'll only ever want to watch again for the FX


------------------------------

The Wrestler, on the other hand, was quite awesome. I wasn't 10o% on board with the Fountian, but I love Mr. Darren Aranofsky to no end, and his assured touch (so gay sounding) was all over this movie. Mickey Rourke was awesome, as expected--Marisa Tomei's exposed breasts also did a good job. I'm not that into Evan Rachel Wood, and, although she seemed to be giving her all, I was kind of glad when he character went away.
The 'documentary style' approach was used loosely, but the non-actors (and there were a lot) were very natural, making it clear that a lot what they were doing was improvised. This movie didn't overwhelm me with sadness like something in a Brokeback Mtn. But it had a reality-based seriousness, sense of humor, dreariness, hope and melancholy that permeated throughout, and that stuck with me long after Springsteen's song washed over the credits. I wanted Sean Penn to win best actor, but I think Rourke should get it now. I'm stuck on Best Picture, but I wouldn't be upset if this took it. The end.

2k9 homo-core news cycle

Happy New Year! The news isn't all bad this time:


People who are in the closet are prone to have less healthy sexual habits because they secretly hate homos (themselves). [aidsmap]

Cuba thinks they may be able to acheive social utopianism, let boys and girls marry each other. [mrzine]

A kid in Dallas was run over by a car. This isn't relevant to closetcasies, it just sucks. [pegasus news]

A man and a transgendered person (his lover I guess? too many words to read) got killed but they keep referring to the trans one as a bro, when she's kinda clearly a chick. Nitpicky? [huffpo]

A bunch of dykes and homos calling themselves a 'marching band' will be at Barack Hoosayne Obambamz swearing in parade, before being smited with lightening bolts by pastor Rick 'thunderfists' Warren. [msnbc]
We told you about that lesbian who was attacked and raped by a bunch of dudes? Apparently other people have heard of it too, including law enforcement officials. [mercury news]

"More than a dozen families filed a lawsuit Tuesday challenging a new Arkansas law banning unmarried couples living together from becoming foster or adoptive parents." 'Unmarried couples' is code for 'gaysexualz', in case you missed the significance there. [fosters.com]