Tuesday, February 3, 2009

#14: Christian Bale

We'll make this quick, since it's obvious, and not everything needs to be all philosophical all the time. But Christain Bale is hot, and closetcases and Out Gays need for guys to be hot in order for them to actually exist, you know? That's just  how life works. Cute people are real, ugly people remind us of how dead we are inside. So Chrissy Bale fullfills this hotness through tireless hours at the gym/being photogenic. But what he also is, is Batman, of the Dark Knights, you guys. This makes him safe to like, because if you're wasted and mutter, "god, I love Christain Bale" while watching him appear on the Jiminy Kimmel Show with your bros, they'll be all like, "Yeah, I can't wait for the next Batman movie. What's Chris Nolan waiting for?" They WILL NOT be like, "You're a fag. You just want to get his dick wet, bro." Of course, the latter is the truth, but they won't know that, because you're so good at hiding your gayness that no one, ever, in history, will ever suspect that you're just using your girlfriend until you have the courage to finally kill yourself for being such a homo. 

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