Stuff Closet-Cases Like

Effective Advertising: Urban Outfitters

2009-04-12T22:26:00.000-07:00

I was going to buy this shirt just because of the image here advertising it on the Urban Outfitters site. This is known as the Abercrombie Mistake, but I don't know if I'm in the clear yet. Gotta stay away from it.

But it's not even expensive or anything--it's just hard to decide if it's really a good shirt.

Do you like rock music?

2009-04-12T22:23:00.001-07:00

This video is kind of old (via 2005) but it's for the band Federation X, for their song "the Hatchet Man" and it's like a late 70s horror movie. Or something (the band sounds like a punk rock band sometimes and a blues rock band sometimes).

Things on the internet: Mr Oizo the director

2009-04-07T19:13:00.000-07:00

One of the things on the internet is the knowledge that Mr Oizo is an electronic performer. His latest album, Lambs Anger, is fun experimental house music, or maybe something simpler than that, like bloghouse. There is an abstract making of for this record, the Making of Lambs Anger, and here it is presented, via youtube. [note: Mr Oizo is not a woman, IRL]

When I'm lazy...

2009-04-07T12:08:00.000-07:00

When I'm lazy, doing a google news search for "teh gayz" is even too arduous a task to undertake, which you may have noticed. So here's a picture of some hot dude we can all pretend is really our boyfriend, or whatever people do when they see a picture of a guy who isn't them. Here's a place to read IF YOU KNOW HOW; I know I can't. I am working on some real shit, though, so it's not like I'm doing nothing, or whatever.

Also, gay marriage much? Lately, right?

Movies I saw recently and a picture of a dude who has nothing to do with it

2009-03-30T14:36:00.000-07:00

-The Thing: as in the old John Carpenter one, finally. It was good--I didn't know the plot going in, but that probably helped.

-I Love You, Man: The Paul Rudd buttsex movie (right?). It was funny enough for the kind of movie it is, which is a guy-powered chick flick. (I saw it with a dude).

-The Breakfast Club: Yes, I'd seen it before, but not since I was too young to know what I was watching, and I refused to watch it on basic cable, with the edits. Anyway, it's good, all the kids are good actos, though Ally Sheedy's character was a little retarded and almost aggressively creepy and I hated her more after the makeover (what is the message here??), Anthony Michael Hall was good though, and Emelio Estevez was buff, the end.

-Memento: seen it before, but not in forever, and so forgot what it was about (it's about a story-framing device, right?). Good as well.

-Sauna: Good, but slow. Haunting vibe, though? Can I say that?

-Dark Floors: this movie kinda sucked. To paraphrase an IMDB commenter: This movie was okay until Lordi showed up acting like monsters.

-Sommusturm: this wasn't bad. I kinda liked it, but maybe the precise end wasn't my favorite. If they had all broken into a choreographed dance on the beach, like Slumdog, I would be singing another tune however.

-Charlie Bartlett: it was okay.

-Savage Grace: ugh

Le Temps Qui Reste: It was okay. I have seen worse.

-Broken English: very pleasant story about wanting to settle down but having yet to do so? That make sense?

In studies: sad teens

2009-03-30T14:22:00.000-07:00

Lots of teens go through sad times. Personally, as a teen, I was a humanoid creature carved from a pure depression-aloy, so I know what I'm talking about. A new study (conducted by out of work psychiatrists, I presume), suggests teens should be periodically tested for depression, by a psychiatrist who may or may not be short on cash at the moment:

It's a change from the group's 2002 report concluding there wasn't enough evidence to support or oppose screening for teens. The task force, though, says there's still insufficient proof about the benefits and harms of screening children 7 to 11 years old.

Depression strikes about 1 out of 20 teens, and it's been linked to lower grades, more physical illness and drug use, as well as early pregnancy.

If you know any sad teens, get them tested. Also, the Smashing Pumpkins helps.

Would you let Joe Jonas sleep with your daughter?

2009-03-30T14:16:00.000-07:00

Well? Would you?

why?: White Williams

2009-03-30T14:10:00.000-07:00

So, pretty much obsessed with White Williams? And I pretty much don't know why? Not a big deal, just someting that's happened.

News: you can use

2009-03-30T13:44:00.000-07:00

pic from here

-Interesting bit of pondering on college basketball and the 'phobia, yo. [365]

-More gay marriage, more Vermont. [wcax]

-Gay bars maybe having to be less aggressively homo-y? [metroweekly]

-Maybe some progress in the presbyterian church involving clergy and you know what. [dallasnews]

-More discussion on Don't Ask-Don't Tell, and about it's future (summary: it will probably be repealed within a few years). [towleroad]

-Apparently there is a 'gay media' as well as a mafia. [ontop]

-Miami allows flags (not a typo). [upi]

-Take a Xanax and read about 'pride' in Russia. [ontop]

-Okay, okay. You know how the new Bruno movie is 'too faggy' for cineplexes? Here is the right-wing-y, conservative version of the outrage about how gay Bruno is. Take two xanax and read this article. [beliefnet]

-Jeez, these Brits are really serious about homophobia in their schools. It must be worse than it sounds. [bbc]

Peaches: "More"

2009-03-25T11:58:00.000-07:00

Here's one of those slideshow-type youtube vids set to the newish Peaches song "more." I like the song and this is the easiest way to post it without feeling like a pirate, so here. It's good, especially when it finally lets go.

Being old and rich is awesome. I'm only guessing, I would not know.

2009-03-25T11:48:00.000-07:00

Do you know who Karl Lagerfeld is? Apparently he designs clothes for Americans like Kanye West and people who get to be at Fashion Week. Do you know who designs my clothes? Osh Kosh B Gosh; get in where you fit in, right? ANYWAY, that dude up there is the guy Mr. Designer-face used to date up until about who cares ago.

This dude below is who he dates now. Karl Lagerfeld is like 400 years old, not that there's anything wrong with that.

I mean, both of these guys could be the biggest assholes ever conceived by human loins, but they don't look like it (maybe a little, but...). The point is, being old is awesome, as long as you are rich, but what kind of shit do you care, as long as young people are willing to waste their time taking showers with you or whatever. Ask Hefner. Marc Jacobs dating life is now boring and stupid--long live Lagerfeld, a role model to people who fear aging (homeboy doesn't even have a fucked up plastic-surge face, and he's bagging these kids. Life, man. Life.)

Thinking of experimenting with beachware this summer

2009-03-25T11:25:00.000-07:00

I'm thinking I might try to make Speedos happen, but in real world settings, like public pools and beaches. Everybody's always wearing boardshorts because they are a staple at this point. Most dudes do not want to be caught at the beach in anything else. The newest thing, I'm pretty sure, is shorter-than-normal board shorts. Newest thing = acceptable.

I just think maybe I need to take it up a notch and rock the mankini once the weather breaks completely. Thinking I might be into that shit, you know? What's the point of working out if you can't throw it in everyone's face, forcing other males to question their own feelings as you strut down the boardwalk? Right? Anyway, I'm pricing some right now. Or am I?

pics via here

News and a trailer

2009-03-25T11:02:00.000-07:00

Today, instead of a topless dude, we will present the trailer for the upcoming film Where the Wild Things Are, which looks good. [if it doesn't work, it's not for lack of trying, and here's the link anyway] Following, some less-depressing-than-usual news involving current events and gay people:

-New York senator formerly opposed to marriage betwixt the similarly-genitaled, has changed his mind. [ap]

-Barney Frank says Antonin Scalia is a hater. [bostonglobe]

-I will stop hating on John McCain's daughter for the time being. [towleroad]

-NBC is loving the attention having gay characters on your show affords you. It's a spoiler though. [afterelton]

-More gay confusion in college. [posttribune]

-Ugh. This dude is suing Microsoft for what is essentially taunting due to sexuality. Read it, y'all. (Warning: he looks like Jim Dangle). [telegraph]

more shirtless dudes later

As days go by, it's the....something, something. Whatever, I'm trying to sing the Family Matters theme

2009-03-23T12:21:00.000-07:00

Which I sometimes confuse with the Full House theme? Don't know why, but I basically always do that.

-I gave my cat a sip of a chocolate nutritional drink. It made him stand on his hind legs and beg for more.

-I kind of hate myself because every time I see a picture of Zac Efron, I'm always like, "Oh, man." Which is sad, right? Who the fuck does he think he is? [pic via jezebel]

-I've been writing ecards at someecards and it's a lot of fun, especially when they actually seem to be liked, which is not always.

-You ever notice how Brent Corrigan is always posing and shit in his videos? It's like, some of us are into the fourth wall, dude.

-Doesn't it suck how if you basically lay your cards on the table and tell some dude you're like soulmates and shit, how you can't go back? Because you CAN NOT go back--it either ends well (which is almost never the case for fagmos) or it ends badly, which is nearly surefire this day and age. But I'm tellin you, right?

-So bored right now. Not in the suicide-y way, just am. Maybe go for a walk? Trying to hate Kanye less. Miss you, JoBros.

In the news: we kinda already talked about this...

2009-03-23T11:05:00.000-07:00

...and the pictured dude kind of doesn't really have anything to do with it, but half the point of this is pictures to look at. Ooh, words:

"The Vermont Senate Judiciary Committee unanimously approved a bill Friday that would allow same-sex marriage in the state. This vote came after a week of hearings on the issue. Vermont currently allows civil unions, but the current bill would expand benefits offered to same-sex couples.

The bill will now move to the state Senate. Even if the legislation passes in both houses of the state legislature, supporters are concerned that Republican Governor Jim Douglas would veto the measure. A spokeswoman for the Governor told the New York Times that "Governor Douglas believes that this legislation is a distraction from the important work the legislature should be doing to get our economy back on track."" [ms]

in the news: the usual, augmented with some random dude showing his trail for no reason. such is life

2009-03-23T10:44:00.000-07:00

-Some loser did some dumb shit. [bbc]

-Pretty interesting case about a man denied asylum in the US (he was attacked in his native Brazil), who is gay, and 'married' to an American, but that does not matter, because he is gay. [nyt]

-Couple more Tales of Gay Marriage. [wcax] [business journal]

-LeAnn Rimes: "My husband sucks cocks." [abc]

-It's cool to hate gays in Africa, but Bono's not gonna tell y'all that, is he?? [allafrica]

-Talk of my fave fantasy: nazigays. [popmatters]

-People complaining about the pope, which is pointless. Can you guess why it's pointless? [news24]

-Sports fans can be homophobic, and often are. [outsports]

pic via here

In whatevers: Nine inch nails concerts, while you're young

2009-03-18T14:11:00.001-07:00

I feel like I just wrote about them, but they are coming to my area, and I want to go to them. I just have to figure out which town to see them and also not get lynched, so I have a lot of researching to do, y'all.

They tend to have authentic, Pitchfork-approved opening bands, but this time they have some up-and-coming group called the Janes Addictions. NEVER HEARD OF IT.

In the news: St Patricks Day

2009-03-17T10:12:00.001-07:00

Why are there so many fucking holidays?? Honestly, I mean, I get this one, heritage and all, but, y'all, I think we really should get rid of some of these things. I'm a 'hater', I guess, but we could probly chop 2 or 3 holidays off the calendar and still be okay with the universe, nay? This picture is pertinent to NOTHING. News:

-A teacher was fired because nobody likes gay people. [usa today]

-Hate crimes against you-know-whos seems to be increasing in Calif. [mercury news]

-Fight for adoption continues in Florida. [miami herald]

-I hate religion, but it's cool when someone who DOESN'T hate it is a cool person. [LGF]

-Marriage equality match in LA on Sunday. [my desert]

In the news: Oh, Monday

2009-03-16T11:49:00.000-07:00

Here is a picture of someone prettier than not only me, but you as well. He is promoting some movie that also features Matthew Perry, who nobody deems necessary to trot out for photo-ops. Pic via here. News here:

-Vermont starts legislative talk on allowing same-sexytimes. [ap]

-There's a gay guy on American Idol, which totally RUINS it now. [reality tv]

-The show Kings (based on selections from best-selling children's book The Bible), also has a gay person, and this one is quite basically the villain, like most gays. [after elton]

-Let's see: basically, Michael Steele, the GOP chair, doesn't QUITE hate homos to agree which comforts his Repug clozzy co-horts. If there's two things the republican party hates, it's people who are intolerant of their core beliefs, and fggts. [queerty]

-West Virginians are worried about the Gay Ultimatum. [register herald]

-Discrimination in schools, blahblah. [press assoc.]

-I spent like four hours scanning my computer for badware and vireeses. Sucks.

On the screens: The Fall

2009-03-14T16:31:00.000-07:00

The most recent movie I have seen is called the Fall. This comes right after having watching Synechdoche New York and Inland Empire, two movies whose logic you have to wade through. This film is fantastical (or whatever) but is presented in a pretty straightforward manner. The little girl in it is very good, as is Pace Lee, the dude, who I was unfamiliar with upon sitting down for the movie, but who it turns out is on that show Pushing Daisies that I've never seen because I liked Six Feet Under too much, the end.

Anyone have an extra asian boyfriend they're not using?

2009-03-14T11:51:00.000-07:00

Cuz I kinda want one, but there aren't a lot available by me.

Is this one yours?

Can I have it?

Anyway, this was supposed to be a post about how I want to learn to fight, via the mixed martial arts, but how I don't want to look like I got hit in the face a bunch of times. This is Korean Pop Sensation™ Rain, after getting into killing-machine shape for his new movie, Ninjas that Kill, produced by the Matrix Brothers. So, this post became an excuse to post these pictures, instead of an excuse to post pictures of UFC fighters. They call that 'blogging', and it is both tremendous and an art form. Thank you.

#18: Their unselfconscious friend who happens to be hot

2009-03-14T11:17:00.000-07:00

pics via here

Cuz he's not gonna care if you gently caress his chest and give him a lip kiss after an intense soccer match. Plus the social construct of your bro-based relationship essentially allows you to fall in love with him (and generate a sense that you are loved in return) without actuall having to come out of the closet or lie about your feelings ("I leave a lot out when I tell the truth" - someone honest). Unselfconscious hot people have often been raised to have such a high level of self-esteem, that they pretty much notice how 'ghey' ur being, but they don't really make a big deal about it, because you're their bro, and that's all that matters.

But for YOU, it means the universe. For YOU, there may never be a relationship that feels this meaningful and fullfilling while simultaneously being unsatisfying. Sure, your first real boyfriend might be satisfying in all the ways that this friendship is not, but is it really more meaningful? Can you really say you are loved more, or give more love, just because you found someone whose wants you to 'make him cum'? No, you're going to be dreaming about the one who 'got you', who lovingly didn't let you get away with bullshit, or who just let you be yourself without 'trying to change you' into something their parents will like. Or whatever the case may be. I mean, sure, love is love, and everyone deserves it, but for the closetcase, while he is a closetcase, the truest form of humanity/human comfort isn't the girl he's pretending to be interested in--it's the bro he's pretending he could care less about.

Be careful out there.

In videos: The Golden Filter

2009-03-14T10:59:00.000-07:00

This is a band I discovered via the Hype Machine, while at work, trying to assuage my ADD. They are called the Golden Filter.

On the internet: Saturdays aren't really big news days

2009-03-14T09:53:00.000-07:00

-Do you watch the Survivor? It's supposed to be some show where people walk around half-dressed, on an island, and they get to win money if they are not too irritating/a threat. Anyway, some photogenic gay person was on there, and was supposedly straight-acting, and maybe said some comments before the show would suggest he hates himself (ie. hates homos) but he got kicked off the show recently and SO doesn't hate gay people, just hates that it's so popular for OTHER PEOPLE to hate them/us/him/you. That's his picture right there, for the pervs in the club. [after elton]

-Ashton Kutcher is a hero. [gaywired]

-Here's a depressing story about gays in the military. [denverwestwordblog]

-No ghey marriage until everyone has a job, y'all. [msnbc]

-Here is a story about Harlow Cuadra and how he might be sentenced to death, in 2009, in America. Wanna play a drinking game? Read the article and drink a shot of bleach everytime the writer mentions gay porn for no reason. [timesleader]

In life: 100 post mark

2009-03-13T18:29:00.000-07:00

I made it to about a hundred posts sometime this week. Not sure when, although I could easily check, and it got me thinking about how I like the site better now that I'm not 'trying to sound smart', even though I liked this place back then too. Guess maybe it just means I like what I'm doing, as long as I'm doing what I want? Anyway, that picture up there is from here. Here are some links, though, in honor of this landmark moment, on this Friday the 13th, of some posts I wrote, in which I actually like what I wrote, and didn't just use it as an excuse to 'post hot bros.'

-We talked about 'getting drunk' to hide your pain

-We talked about sports

-We talked about science

-We talked about religion and gay people in American society

-We talked about misinformation

In the news: heartwarming tales and lives in prison

2009-03-12T14:36:00.000-07:00

So, the dude who totally killed that gay pornographer Mr. Bryan 'pedobro' Kocis is totally going to spend the rest of his life in prison. That's the bad news.

The good news is, that kid who totally got kicked off his wrestling team at one school, for manipulating his peen on camera, for moneys, is now the top wrestler in the fuckin country at his new school. That's the good news.

Might basically wear this to the bar.

2009-03-12T13:52:00.000-07:00

Not his head, but the rest.

pic via here

Summer shape: Are you there yet?

2009-03-12T11:37:00.001-07:00

Do you sometimes wish you were at a barbecue (or an underground parking garage, it's your life) with your shirt off? I would go to this 'block party' thing that one of my 'friends' would invite me to, and there would always be this shirtless guy there who was in great shape, and one or two other shirtless bros in less awesome shape, but still good enough that nobody tried to asphyxiate on their own vomit at how gross they were. I mean, this is America, so I know no one wants to WORK THAT HARD AT IT, but I know, deep down, people would like to have the option to be 'that guy' if they wanted. Obviously, the only people who even consider shedding clothes at a beer-fueled bbq are those who work on it, and, like, need to talk about it, or at least NEED YOU OGLING THEM, so it balances itself out.

Have you ever actually tried to reach this goal? Are you there yet? I figure it's sad and impossible to try to match the physique of someone in phote spreads, because you have NO IDEA what the lighintg and f-stop situation was at the shoot, so it's really hard to mimic editorial photography in real-life settings. You ever lift up your shirt in the bathroom, at the office?Flourescent lighting favors no man--it's a harsh reality. Just be careful with your summer-body goals, y'all.

pic via here

In videos: Trent Rezbro

2009-03-12T11:32:00.000-07:00

So, does it say something negative about your psyche if you're going through a Nine Inch Nails phase in your twenties? Cuz I kind of am, but I kind of also don't really feel bad about it. I went through my electronic phase recently (am still in it, mostly) and so NIN comes as a darker side of that, not so much as a reason to feel goth and shit. Whatever, here is the last-last incarnation of some semblance of the band playing some jurnts with a dude from New Order. This is a cover of a song by the band the Normal. This version is better?

In the news: Does seeing shirtless people make you feel uncomfies? Cuz you're probly gay, bro

2009-03-12T11:06:00.000-07:00

What the fuck is this guy's name again? Seriously, it's bugging the shit outta me.

BUT SERIOUSLY Sometimes I consider posting the news about homophobia in the US of Earth, but without all the pictures of shirtless guys all the time. But then, like, I wonder what's the point? News is informative so you have something to talk about with your progressive friends--shirtless dudes are informative to your nervous system, becuse the sight gives you a bit of a jolt, or, at least, that's the idea. You're supposed to release like endorphins or whatever that make you happy, even in small doses. This is the same theory as to why one might eat chocolate, I think. Anyway, this is a picture of Channing Tatum from that movie about fighting that's comin out. It's got stupid-ass Terrence Howard in it. News:

-The army recently fired a bunch of soldiers because they told people how awesome Les Miz was. [ap]

-That Harlow Cuadra, Brent Corrigan-related murder trial is supposed to see closing arguments today. [msnbc] UPDATE: guilty.

-There's a gay guy on American Idol (breathe...can I go on now?) and he might end up the winner, even though America basically hates fggts. They like being entertained, however. [dallas voice]

-In relation to the other news bit, people want Obama to end Don't Ask [via Don't Tell] already. [fox]

Do you smoke reefer?

2009-03-11T16:15:00.000-07:00

Not that you need to in order to enjoy Glass Candy. I'm just asking.

Questions about headgear

2009-03-11T16:05:00.000-07:00

Is wearing a wool-hat with a t-shirt acceptable, or do I have to be rich first?

Whatever, there's a new South Park on, so maybe I'll watch that if I'm not working on my dream, which is what I should be doing right now actually.

In the news: oh, brother

2009-03-11T15:45:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of pro footballer Joe Montana's 18 y/o son for you to look at whenever the following news gets too depressing, which it will almost immediately. News:

-There's a club for gays and straights in Florida that can meet now. [ap]

-It's looking like gheys in Washington state will likely get full benefits under civil-unions, making them equitable to marriage, and ppl are pissed because they think marriage will be gunned for next. Look, people: you worship a book of fairy tales. Get the fuck over it. [seattle times]

-They're pushing for that Harvey Milk Day in California--from the article: "The Capitol Resource Institute has previously stated of the attempt to pass a Harvey Milk Day that, "This is yet another example of the campaign to normalize homosexual behavior not just in schools, but in our culture. We must continue to defend our traditional values despite the effort to demolish the very values that established and sustain our nation."" I hate god, like, 99% of the time, y'all. [shewired]

-Sweet, there's more of this shit: "San Francisco Archbishop George Niederauer told the Most Holy Redeemer Church in the city's Castro neighborhood that an Atherton Catholic school's production of a play that details an adolescent's struggle with his homosexuality and his Christian faith was not to be performed.

Students from Sacred Heart Preparatory, under the direction of drama instructor John Loschmann, have produced an adaption of Alex Sanchez's controversial novel The God Box entitled "Be Still and Know."" [msnbc]

-People who want to adopt kids (you know what kind of people) face off with Florida for the sake of that right. [miamiherald]

picture from here

Sports are good to kill time, right?

2009-03-11T15:27:00.000-07:00

picture via here

I have a bunch of free time now, so I'm thinking maybe I should get into sports? It'll either be basketball or something that involves a wetsuit, or maybe something that involves a white sparkly jacket. I'm trying to kinda hone in on whichever speaks to me the most, you know?

I mean, sports get you into shape, and if I join some sort of club, there are plenty of fit guys there, and that's the whole point of being alive, right? To find people to stare at creepily, or, like, go out with and start a family? Haha, I know that rule doesn't apply to fggts, I'm just saying in general, you guys, relax. But maybe surfing? I need to learn how to swim first tho. It could just be swimming that I do, since Michael Phelps is the new touchstone for physical perfection of the neck-down variety. Just some shit that I've been CONSIDERING, since I have time to workout like ten times a day if I wanted to, as long as I put aside time to get wasted. The working out is for the outside, the getting wasted is for to feel alive.

Equal Rights For Everyone!!!

2009-03-10T14:36:00.000-07:00

"About 100 Iowans gathered at the Statehouse today to protest inaction on legislation to reverse the state’s public smoking ban. Many alleged the law is unconstitutional, the subject of a lawsuit that is scheduled for trial on June 29." [demoineregister]

FIGHT THE POWER

cobrasnake pic

in the news: the news

2009-03-10T14:07:00.000-07:00

Here is a story with the dude who will play Gambit in the next X-Men movie about how he doesn't think it's necessary to be all shirtless always. That's a picture of him right there--I feel like I kind of hate him, don't know why, y'all. Now for some news:

-More scientific people say what everyone knows about gay people. [msnbc]

-The census won't include homos, cuz that would be gross. [examiner]

-Hawaii, a giant beach-state, might not hold hands with the gays either. [msnbc]

There's a lot more news, but it's really fucking depressing. Google it or something?

Greatest art house film of the last five years

2009-03-10T13:43:00.000-07:00

It's a seriodramatic comedy called Never Back Down, and it is discusses themes of things not being what they appear, and tackles the different layers behind our understanding of the world and language--this is all implied, but it serves as an unspoken explanation for the events in the film. The main character, Jake, is a troublemaker and moves to Florida or whatever, where he soon meets the love of his life, a streetfighter named Ryan, played by ripped thespian Cam Gigandet. When the two first lock eyes, it's seriously one of the most heart-pounding moments I've ever experienced in my living room. This will probably get nominated for a Spirit Award this year (IF THERE'S ANY JUSTICE).

The two fight at a house party, a sweaty row that is supposed to be symbolic of these two making love for the first time, except the limitations of societal mores makes it so that these two young men cannot express, and so therefore must subvert, their sexual desires. This is presented in the abstract in the form of street fights. Jake loses, which represents him being the bottom. This is meant to portray societies ostracization of 'people like that' and so Jake goes on a journey to both win Ryan's love and prove to the world that he is as much a man, if not more than, his peers.

Seriously, the poetic beauty of the training montages (matched with tasteful radio rock selections) will bring tears to your eyes. The way the filmmakers use a constant barrage of shirtless, smooth-chested cover shots to convey the isolation and almost desperate state of the main character is perhaps one of the boldest artistic choices I've witnessed since Charlie Kaufman chose to put himself as a character in his film Adaptation. I won't spoil the ending, although you'll be able to see it coming. I'll just say this is going to be A HIT among the artsy crowd and might sweep the Oscars this year. I'm calling it now.

In the brain: Movies

2009-03-09T15:48:00.000-07:00

Did I really watch Never Back Down? Not yet.

---------------------------------

Movies I have watched lately:

Synecdoche, New York: Rocked me gentle. I don't want to say this movie is amazing, but it's kind of effing genius. As in, you will probably not be exposed to something like this, done with this much inspiration, many more times maybe ever? If it speaks to you. If it doesn't, Starz has Never Back Down available on demand, which I'm gonna watch too, so don't feel bad.

Teeth: the vagina with teeth movie. It was very good, darkly entertains, bros.

Diary of the Dead: hokey as hell. Worth it for telegenic cast and violence; not much else goin for it.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall: funny. Mila Kunis is extraordinarily pretty, really, you guys.

Religulous: Good if you're into that kinda thing. Athiests probably need to grow some balls, is my conclusion.

Rec: Already talked about it. Is good.

Step Up 2 the Streets, Bro: already talked about. Good dancing, by the numbers everything else.

Rachel Getting Married: Good. Only a couple boring scenes, but features the most fun wedding after-party you will ever see, this year.

I got the pictures above from here.

An overshare: Fitness

2009-03-09T14:54:00.000-07:00

You ever start working out, and it's basically in that lazy way that assuages the guilt of a gluttonous and empty existence, and that only beneifits you in a way that you can notice, or, like, you're sig other who doesn't work out? Well, did you come across this picture, of this guy right here, and then it pushed you to work harder while you're still basically young, and could actually acheive this? Cuz it would help, if like, that were to happen to you.

In videos: Zero

2009-03-09T14:43:00.000-07:00

So, the YYYs have a new video for an album I'm not sure if I like, but probably will if I get to see them live or whatever. This is that video. If a commercial plays before the song does, just know that that's god punishing me for thinking about sodomy so much.

# Whatever: warm weather

2009-03-08T21:16:00.000-07:00

What's good about warm weather is that I don't have to wear the same 4 sweaters over and over again. I can be poor, without looking poor, because everyone basically looks poor in the spring and summer, because they all are sweaty and smell bad, and are wearing shorts, just like homeless people. But, further, this is the best time of year to be a closet case because guys are barely wearing anything in the summer, and it's a primo opportunity to ogle your ass off. Sure people will notice your gaze following the beefcakes and hot jailbait walking around with nary a leaflet to cover their loins, but what the fuck will you care? Your spank bank will be overstocked after the visual wasteland that is the winter months. Rejoice, clozzies. Maybe at the beach, your closest bro toweling down after coming in from the surf, he catches you checkin out his nips, and you look away, but he says, "It's cool, you can look." You smile at him, and get married to him 6 years later [in an alternate world where you won't go to hell for being a fagmo].

Here comes the sun, and it's all right.

In the news: Hate!

2009-03-08T20:48:00.000-07:00

-Some HS kids in Pennsy were putting on a play involving gay themes and some protestors thought they should know that god hates fags. [wcax]

-Religion seems to still be happening. This time with protestants trying to come to terms. [ocala]

-There's a lawsuit against a school who hates queers and homos. [dallas voice]

-Family Guy has a gay themed episode that my roommate DVR'd, that I'm gonna go watch in a minizzle. [ontop]

-There's a gay mardi gras in Aussie land. [ap]

-Hillz butters up the gays? [smart news]

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Alsos

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If you haven't been, you should watch the United States of Tara. It's a good show, all around. Not perfect, but it's good. They're trying.

If Zack Efron stumbled into your bedroom drunk, and asked to pass out in your bed with you, would you let him, or make him crash on the couch?

2009-03-08T20:41:00.000-07:00

I don't really want to know, I'm just asking for my friend.

Where have all the aryans gone??

2009-03-08T19:13:00.000-07:00

Have you noticed that it seems like there aren't really that many Aryans around anymore? Is it just that they are the new Julia Roberts (meaning, big at one point, but now only attractive/interesting in a quaint, almost boring way)? Do you think they voted for Obama, or do they still have the Zig-zig-a-zig heil [via Aushwitz Spice] thing going on? I met one a while back, and he said I had a gay vibe, which: a) I did not hit on him in ANY way b) I don't really have a gay vibe unless you like, really get me excited about something (okay, only a little excited). Techinically, I told some dude to come sleep in bed with me right in front of this other kid, which is pretty ghey, but that's not a VIBE, you guys. He cheated. That's EVIDENCE, so don't act like you're all intuitive and shit. That's like saying a Mikey Bay movie gives you a 'splodey vibe. Whatever. I want to go to there (aryan wonderland, that is).

Things around the Internet: Things

2009-03-08T18:32:00.000-07:00

Here's a video from JD, who is a photographer, and on the blogroll over there. There are, like, dudes in it, so it works within this theme that I am trying to obliterate anyway [via destroying what you love in order to build something more powerful].

SCCL Blame-storm: Life is so real, you guys

2009-03-08T16:00:00.001-07:00

Life is just so real sometimes. Like, sometimes you have something, and about 3.2 secs laters you just don't have it anymore, and there's nothing you can do about it. I think they call this 'real shit.' Sometimes you want to run away from the obvious, right? Maybe you're all happy about something, and it starts to suck, but you get used to it sucking, so instead of getting rid of it, you stick around and suffer with it, even though you 'wanna die sometimes'. They call it comfortable depression. I read about it on Twitterfall.

It's cool how you have to change the way you do things. Like, sometimes you try to get to the heart of closet case culture, in America, then you think you've gotten to the marrow and everything, and so you have to start basically making fun of Jake Gyllenhall in hopes of shaming him. Do I really think he's a clozzy? Maybe. But only because Reese Withsponianz is probs a lez. Don't sue me, y'all. It's just Sunday. Just trying to make it out alive. Just trying to decide if I should pay to see Watchmen or not. I hate spoilers is all. Gotta see it before the blogsphere blowhards it. Don't want to have to hurt sometone, or threaten violence.

Anyway, maybe there should be a big clozzy party? You think if I threw one, closetcases would really show up, or would it just be queenie twinks, who are in high school? Whatever, all I know is that I've seen the movie Step Up 2 tha Streets Y'all like 4 times already, and I don't even feel bad about it. Can I tell you a secret? I'm basically in love with the cast. Does that mean my life is probably empty?

I blame the recession. I blame Barrack Obama. I blame my parents. I blame the Pope. I blame Polytheism. I blame HRO. I blame Facebook. I blame the Cobrasnake and Gawker dot com. I blame internet porn. I blame the Jonas Brothers (miss you guys). I blame the new Yeah Yeah Yeahs album. I blame Liza Minelli. I blame kids who used to wear NIN t-shirts. I blame Verizone Wireless. I blame Apple store employees. I blame hicks from the South.

I blame closetcases.

I blame me.

Call me in three years, bro.

party pix via cobrasnake

In the movies: Viddy games as storytelling

2009-03-08T14:16:00.000-07:00

Here is Ms. Witherspoon-Ledger-Gyllenhal on the set of her new movie, The Persian Twink Master: Rise of the Twinks.

picture via Kotaku

In the news: Prop h8-erade

2009-03-06T19:45:00.000-08:00

"Gordon Brown has condemned California's ban on gay marriage as "unacceptable" and warned people to be vigilant against all forms of discrimination.

The prime minister said the ban, backed in a referendum in the US state in November, would "undo" much of recent progress made in tackling prejudice.

California became the 28th US state to prohibit gay marriage, overturning an earlier court ruling legalising it.

Same-sex civil partnerships became law in the UK in 2005." [bbc]

-the New York Times talks about this shtuff too, you guys. [nyt]

-That Brent Corrigan case is still going on, but ending soon. Hence the picture. [msnbc]

Getting your ass owned: [rec]

2009-03-06T19:29:00.000-08:00

No, not in the GAY WAY. I mean, by an awesome movie. It is called [Rec], y'all, and it's good.

In the News: Prop 8. Still.

2009-03-05T18:14:00.000-08:00

"The California Supreme Court, which last year declared the right of gays and lesbians to marry, appeared ready Thursday to uphold the voters' decision to overrule the court and restore the state's ban on same-sex marriage. "There have been initiatives that have taken away rights from minorities by majority vote" and have been upheld by the courts, said Chief Justice Ronald George. "Isn't that the system we have to live with?"" [sfgate]

In the news, yall

2009-03-03T17:49:00.000-08:00

-People who play videogames can be homophobic, and companies that make games can sometimes not give a shit. [reghardware]

-Australians maybe will fight against its ghey-haters. [pinknews (hate that name)]

-Obama is pretending to consider 'don't ask [via don't tell]' again, and how its dumb, especially if he's going to be sending everyone under 30 to Afgahnistan. [ap]

-Barry O also might get a gay intern to be all up in the White House, asking everybody if they saw Ugly Betty last night. [365]

-Three men arrested in connection to a hate crime at a bar. [dallas voice]

-Some student can't give blood at his college, in Montclair New Jersey, because he is a gay, and gays are twinks, with AIDS. [cw]

-Sean Penn thinks Cali should have a Harvey Milk Day, but Guvner Swarzenneger thinks that if Penn likes Harvey Milk Day so much, why doesn't he marry it? [e!]

-Sarah Silverman will get to keep her show, only now it has a gay step-father, who sponsors it. [reuters]

-Gay people want to get married or whatever? WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN? [afp]

picture via the cobrasnake

Dear Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner

2009-02-24T18:19:00.000-08:00

I think I love you. See you later? It's cool, I'll text you. Okay, peace.

SCCL Moments: Keeling ur Idolls

2009-02-21T11:55:00.000-08:00

Is it okay to look up to people? When I was younger I used to always have to, like, be in elementary school and shit. Why? Who knows, it's not like I'm using my sixth grade diploma for anything. But whatever, we had one assignment where we had to write about someone who we 'looked up to'. This was hard for me, because I realized at this moment, that I didn't look up to anybody. People were writin' bout their dad's and I was like I....don't exactly look up to him. So I realized at that moment that I needed an idol, and I needed one really fast.

So living in a suburbo-rural area, I decided to look up to the white trash guys who I wanted to love me because my parents didn't act like they did, you know? WE HAVE ALL BEEN THERE. Don't lie, okay, not in front of company. But I realized that these guys were on exisistential hamster wheels and would never really do anything to make sure they were set free. I realized I wasnt' shooting high enough in the stars for my idol, you guys. I needed to dig deeper.

Then I went back to not looking up to anyone, just hating everyone. That's when I decided that God had to die, and thus began my process of killing my idols, and also, killing yours. This process basically went on forever. I was allowed to appreciate someone's contributions to society, but I was not allowed to really think anyone was all that great (per the agreement I made with myself). Being a godless a-hole in a world of god-ly a-holes, made it so that it was easy to hate everyone who wasn't a good-looking guy. Through maybe Darwinism or something, I needed to like something/one, and so again, unfortunately, my this is what I would idolize.

Now I just appreciate people who do things that I want to do, or do already, but who seem to be doing them better than me, for whatever reason. This is called admiration and is not the same thing as looking up. It's more like looking at. WHAT IS MY POINT?? My point is it's always impossible for me to like something in anything more than a backhanded way (after the initial infatuation of liking it in the first place) and that maybe I should do something about that. As in, maybe you should, bro. Maybe YOU should.

SCCL NOTE: Been busy

2009-02-18T19:12:00.000-08:00

Miss you, though. Will write my ass off soon; still gays to defend and closets to throw tomatoes at. Still thoughts to pretend to have as an excuse to post pics. Here's something else to tide yall over.

In the news: murder

2009-02-12T18:01:00.000-08:00

Stories like this are always awesome, right guys? I mean, gay people suck it soooo hard. Check it out:

"Lawrence "Larry" King wasn't sexually harassing fellow eighth-grade student Brandon McInerney in the weeks leading up to King's shooting death, prosecutors contend in court documents.
McInerney was the aggressor, teasing the effeminate King for weeks and vowing to "get a gun and shoot" him, according to a prosecution brief. Multiple students provided accounts of a growing hostility between the two boys, the document shows." [lat]

#16: Beating their girlfriends?

2009-02-12T17:50:00.000-08:00

I dunno. Closetcases are known mysogonists, as they perceive gayness as feminine, and since they are gay, and hate themselves, they also hate girls, at least while they're still in the closet. So, like, it's conceivable, y'all. Just saying.

Pending, you guys.

In the news: pertinent things

2009-02-08T10:59:00.000-08:00

- There are still people who listen when the pope speaks. These are called Catholics, but then they also get outraged when he says stuff they don't like. JUST STOP LISTENING! How hard is that? [canada]

-There's a dumb ad where Shaq acts in a manner which could be construed as homophobic. It has since been pulled. [adrants]

-Homophobia is still a problem, y'all, even for Lance Bass. [las vegas weekly]

-Prop 8 hearings in March. [gcn]

-"According to Democratic strategist Elaine Kamarck, the passage of Proposition 8 does not have serious long term implications for the LGBT community’s future within the Democratic Party. "The support for gay issues of all sorts is strongly correlated to age,” she explained in an interview with the HPR. “If you look at longitudinal polling, this is the fastest-changing social issue ever; it is all about generational change.” As today’s young people make up a larger share of the electorate, same-sex marriage will begin to become less controversial as a political issue." [harvard political review]

=========================================================

IN ADDITION:

A note to Nick Jonas -

Um, hi, Nick. Can you do me and other bloggers/internet peoples a really, really big favor, bro? Nah, it's not even, like, a big deal or whatever, but could you, um, maybe hurry up and turn 18 already? I know, I don't even know you, but, look, there are just some things that I would like to say about you, and even if it's okay to say them now, I would just be more comfortable if you were of a generally agreed upon legal age before I said them. So, yeah, just turn 18. It'd be awesome.

Cool, bro. Later days, I guess. (miss you)

#15: Shirtless dudes

2009-02-08T00:20:00.001-08:00

I mean, right, you guys? Closet or no, when they see a shirtless guy, THEY HAVE TO LOOK. It makes them hate themselves, sure, and maybe they go home and carve scars into their skin because life isn't worth living with these 'strange feelings' but on a deep, demonic level, they like it. It's what they live for, and it's why living is so hard while denying it.

Because, when they're flipping through the channels, and they see one, they have to stop. They do not realize why, but WHEN THEY DO, they keep flipping, and they hope that their best friends didn't notice the pause, but it's there, and it will always be there. There's nothing they can do about it. But they want to. They want to be able to do something about it.
So maybe they talk about how hot that chick is over there, or how much they hate homos (less common now that Obama's in office, you guys), or just about how they like spending time with their bros on a purely brosef level (and there's nothing wrong with that).
But that doesn't change the facts: people who like dudes, like shirtless dudes, and the 'closets' like dudes, inherently, the end.

Happiness is out there, wating for you; you just have to want it, you guys.

On the teevees: the United States of Tara

2009-02-08T00:01:00.000-08:00

Ok, y'all, I'm not in love with Diabo Codeface or anything. I thought Juno was pretty good, but it didn't change my stance on abortion or anything (my stance is that abortions taste great with baked potatoes). I'm happy to see subversive writers make a name for themselves, even if they write for Entertainment Weekly and, like, every other word is some cutesy bullshit. Whatever, y'know, it's a 'style choice'.

But I watched the first episode of Showtimes new hit series (pukes) the US of Tara, and I was like, "What the shiz is this shizz tore up from the floor up?" It's hokey, clownish, does not take itself seriously, and made me feel sort of dumb for watching it. AND I HAVE WATCHED EVERY EPISODE SINCE, YOU GUYS. I am addicted to this shit now. I don't know where they're going with this, but Diablo Cody, listen to me: you better fucking go somewhere with it, because I am on board now. The rebel daughter? I am on board. The gay son who you treat with respect? I am on board. The father who doesn't realize he is being marginalized? I am there. The alters//Toni Collette//her sister//the whole shit? I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt. Are you making me love you for this? -sigh- Don't even ask. Just don't Dawson's Creek me (via set the show up for failure as you try to get more mainstream and end up fucking your career and writing werewolf movies that get assfucked by the studio.) Do this right. I'm watching now. Don't waste my time, or yours, or Speilburgs (sp). PLEASE, Y'ALL. I want this to be good. The end, y'all.

#14: Christian Bale

2009-02-03T19:13:00.000-08:00

We'll make this quick, since it's obvious, and not everything needs to be all philosophical all the time. But Christain Bale is hot, and closetcases and Out Gays need for guys to be hot in order for them to actually exist, you know? That's just how life works. Cute people are real, ugly people remind us of how dead we are inside. So Chrissy Bale fullfills this hotness through tireless hours at the gym/being photogenic. But what he also is, is Batman, of the Dark Knights, you guys. This makes him safe to like, because if you're wasted and mutter, "god, I love Christain Bale" while watching him appear on the Jiminy Kimmel Show with your bros, they'll be all like, "Yeah, I can't wait for the next Batman movie. What's Chris Nolan waiting for?" They WILL NOT be like, "You're a fag. You just want to get his dick wet, bro." Of course, the latter is the truth, but they won't know that, because you're so good at hiding your gayness that no one, ever, in history, will ever suspect that you're just using your girlfriend until you have the courage to finally kill yourself for being such a homo.

Super Bowl Sunday Newsicle

2009-02-01T11:22:00.000-08:00

It's Super Bowl Sunday, so you know what that means? TELEVISED MOVIE TRAILERS, Y'ALL. Whatever, so that I feel like I did something, newstuffs.

=The head of the Republico Starship Alliance (or the GOP, as it's popularly known) will pander to you now. (theraw)

=Ted Haggard is a closetcase, you guys. I mean, it sucks that his life is this way, and it sucks that he can't live happily as a gay dude, and that he has beliefs that force him to hate himself. But...he's gay. He just is. (huffingtone post)

=Kids in the UK? Still homophobic, in case you wondering. (harrowtimes)

Whatever, enjoy your day.

#13: Being religious

2009-01-29T16:00:00.000-08:00

Because religion is nothing if not a set of inarguable justifications. For behavior, for intentions--they are rules, and if you are following rules, then you are not suspicious, are not a suspect. You are noble. At first, religion can just be an excuse, internally, for why the closetcase can never come to terms with who he truly is--being gay is a sin (ask anybody) and if he is spending his life avoiding sin, then what does it mean if there is a sin LIVING INSIDE OF HIM?? How does one come to terms with that over which he has no control? There are two ways to go here.

One: You can tell yourself that 'everybody has these types of feelings' and that makes it a CHOICE and you are CHOOSING not to be gay. I have met people like this. "Being gay is a choice." "Did you choose to be straight then?" "YES I DID." "Oh..." If it is a choice, then you are straight, and there is a cure, and you will be okay. Being gay becomes like alcoholism--maybe something you are predisposed to, but can overcome with enough conviction. It is TEMPTATION, and the godbible says that temptation is the devilbot and must be overcome, y'all. This is good for the closetcase because he is scared as shit of his true feelings and of losing everyone he loves, and of going to HELL. Remedy? Stop believing in fairytales, stop fearing death, and live while you still can. The other scenario?

Scenario Two: Realize that being gay is not a choice, but living a lie is a choice, and choose to do that. This doesn't even come with the awesome mania of religious zealotry. This is just openly choosing to hate yourself and everyone around you, but allowing some chick, who doesn't know any better because she's as dumb as you are, to marry your stupid ass and be miserable with you forever and shit. What will happen, invariably, is this gay side of you will begin to seep out, slowly at first, then more rapidly, with more intensity, until you are blowing people you shouldn't. Maybe it's a cop in a bathroom. Maybe it's a weak-minded young person whom you are taking advantage of. Whatever, the point is, it will be unhealthy, and you will be middle-aged by this point, and it will be over for you. You would have left a trail of unhappiness in your wake, and how do you justify that enough to go to heaven, brah? We love you, we're just saying. The remedy? Get a boyfriend.

Of course some people need some kind of faith in something, especially if having faith in themselves is not enough, or if they really like their parents and so have to pretend to believe what their parents told them or else they will feel as if they are betraying them. We can tell from experience, y'all: it's hard to put your future in your own hands entirely, instead of partially in a god's. It takes a lot of work. So we start small. Just choose not to use people out of fear. Everybody has feelings, and just because you don't care about your own doesn't mean it's okay to not care about other people's. If you don't want to come out, just shut up about anything gay. YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TALK ABOUT IT. Good, bad, you cannot be an authority, bro. The next step would be liking yourself, and realizing that maybe if believing in something is ruining your life, maybe it's not for you. We wish the world was different, too. So bad, y'all.

Party pix via the cobra snake

SCCL Favorites

2009-01-28T19:46:00.000-08:00

Because you have to eat yourself every once in a while, and I get afraid that my old posts will get lost, you guys. Read some, okay? Cool:

1) Read science about homosexuality.

2) #9: Sports

3) #10: Binge-drinking

4) #8: Promiscuity

5) #4: James Franco

Blast from the Past

2009-01-28T19:37:00.000-08:00

You guys remember Michael Phelps from last year? Remember how he made us want to get into shape and shit, and love America, and want to not drown in the pool? He made you remember that it's okay to enjoy the male physique, even when you're with your boys and you guys don't openly discuss how hot each other are, y'know. Frickin Phelps, man. Blast from the past, you guys!

UPDATE: Legalize it, y'all.

In the news: Buncha stuff

2009-01-28T19:14:00.000-08:00

There's like a gay character in a video game or something. This matters, y'all. [examiner]

Some Khristians want the 'right to hate fggts' or something. Pretty sure you already have that right, buddy. [guardianUK]

"James O'Connor (19) one of the men accused of murdering gay Liverpool teen, Michael Causer, in an allegedly homophobic attack, yesterday pleaded guilty to murdering Causer, but as part of his plea insisted that the motive was not homophobia." I mean, honestly, when someone gets killed, the death is probably the bigger deal. [lgf-dot-org]

Iceland is set to appoint the first openly gay Prime Minister. Wait, wait, don't get excited--it's just a lesbian. (Kidding, love lesbians, for real). [ap]

"Thousands are expected in Denver for a gay-rights conference opening Wednesday.The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force says more than 2,000 people are expected at the downtown Denver conference that runs through the weekend." [slt]

"It didn't take long for Utah gay-rights advocates, uplifted after energetic rallies and supportive polls, to be brought down to earth. On day two of the 2009 Legislature, the first in a series of gay-rights bills -- seemingly the least controversial piece in the Common Ground Initiative -- died Tuesday in the Senate judiciary committee." [slt]

Gay people can't be homos in the army and someone made a doc about it. [afterElton]

New Mexico wants samesex gay fucking marriage to boys or something? Dunno, can't read, y'all. [ontop]

In the news: Gay scandals

2009-01-21T19:20:00.000-08:00

Not sandals. Briefly, cuz it's bedtime, Portland, Ore's gay mayor had gay buttsex with a hot dude (pictured) and now he's going to hell, in court, and in the news. Gay people do sins and will be punished, the end. [unzipped]

New President Tomorrow

2009-01-19T19:10:00.000-08:00

So somebody just told me we're getting a new preznit tomorrow--when did this happen? Think I was taking a napsies. I just read some news tho, so I'm up to speed. Did you know a gay bishop was up in Washingtone Deescee, but that part didn't air on teevee? Obama's team blames themselves. Whatever. New President, everybody! This one is black, like me, but might be morally opposed to how much I love penises (freakin love those things, guys!), so we'll see how this works out.

Recommending movies with SCCL

2009-01-18T16:41:00.000-08:00

I saw the movie Shelter. I don't really like talking about what movies are about, per se, because I don't really think that matters. But it's essentially about a dude whose life is unfulfilling until he meets and falls in love with someone it's impossible for him to be with, at least within his current circumstances. Or, in other words, a ghey movie. It's probably one of the better LGBT (whatever) movies I've seen; no one plays a stereotype, and, the kicker, it's emotionally honest. I pretty much recognized 80% of the situations here, and it'll probably be the case for most other people as well.

The next one I saw was Transamerica, I know I know, late to the party, but I liked it. It was funny. Felicity Huffman was really good and delivered her zingers well, and pulled off her crying bits authentically (with drool and everything). For the pervs, there's also the eye candy of the kid who plays her son, Kevin Zegers, and his character is very sexually charged (not in the annoying LGBT movie tradition, it's truly 'part of the character'), so there's also that. It's a solid drama, whatever.

Lastly, and the least gayly, is Be Kind Rewind, which is better than I feel some critics wanted my ass to think it was when it came out. People kind of slammed Michel Gondry, via 'he's a crappy writer only a good director', and I don't know the level to which the film was improvised, but the dialogue wasn't bad. Maybe they meant the emotional arc was lacking, which I suppose I could see, but I wasn't offended by it or anything. I laughed aloud a few times, and tend to not even like Jack Black, almost at all sometimes, so that was a feat for the picture. If you want a low-key comedy to kill a little of 90 minutes, then go for this.

#12: Societies General Ignorance About What 'Gay' Actually Is, and What it Isn't

2009-01-17T18:48:00.000-08:00

Because if everyone actually understood homosexuality, they would realize you're a total closetcase.

The way it works, 80% of the country is Christian, and, historically, but, most importantly, in the now, Evangelical Christians have been the most vocally outspoken against teh gays. It's science. But, what that also means is that the majority of the American Gays were raised Christian, but only the gay ones know that there's nothing they could do about it. They like cock and that's that. The myth of it being a choice is a misconception that allows even the most flaming of closetcases to 'not be gay' because they are 'choosing not to live that lifestyle'. What people aren't realizing is You Are Gay. You don't pick that shit. So that totally gay dude is totally gay, he just isn't acting on it. Do you know how 'gay' I was when I was a kid? Very. I probably got butcher as I got older, but, seriously, there wasn't a lot of choice going on there. I wasn't into peens til puberty, but I was a total homo way before sex was an option.

A coworker defended a prominent celebrity from 'being called gay' by saying, "He can't be gay, he's a christian." I wanted to throw a bucket of dead frogs at her, but this only goes to show the misconception, and how closetcases use it to their advantage. Sure, if everyone was tolerant, there'd be no need to be a 'case to begin with, but these are the people helping to perpetuate this cycle. Knowing more gays, and knowing MORE ABOUT gays would help homosexuals have a better time in the world, but closetcases are not intersted in this. They only want to cover their own asses. They want to marry some poor-sap straight girl, who will totally marry this gey guy ('cause gay guys are hot, especially closetcases), and then raise a bunch of intolerant kids who can go on spreading the ignorance that serves as a cover for future generations of repressed 'cases.*

Because 'cases are angry. At themselves, at the world. They have nothing to gain from encouraging their Actually Straight counterparts to educate themselves. Nobody wants to believe science--they want to believe what they are told by people who don't scare them. Fancy scientists, with their elitist tests and measurements are the enemy in this country, and in the Middle East and the Black Community and stuff. It is in these regions that the closetcase can feel the safest, can persecute the most, and can hid in a house of ignorace, forever.

*The idea being, people are born Christian, not born gay, that they chose to be that way. This ignorance makes people not only feel safer, but 'better' than gay people. It allows them to believe that 'something is wrong' with gay people. They will say things like, "Something's wrong with that guy, don't know what it is" or "He acts funny sometimes." Because being gay is like being Edward Scissorhands--the world does not get you, they just know that you must be destroyed.

pics via LNP and CS

Breif News Things

2009-01-14T18:13:00.000-08:00

- Prince Harry is awesome if you're gay because he kissed a boy or something (if you wear things on your head resembling towels, however, not so awesome perhaps?) [ap]

-"Every two or three days a person is killed in Brazil in violence connected with his or her sexuality, according to Brazil’s oldest gay rights association, Grupo Gay da Bahia (GGB). In Mexico, the reported figure is nearly two a week." [unaids]

-"Eleven people were charged today with chanting abuse at Portsmouth defender Sol Campbell during a Premiership match with Tottenham Hotspur last year.

The group, which includes two 15-year-olds and a 13-year-old, is alleged to have subjected the former England player to indecent chanting during the club's 2-0 home win against Spurs at Fratton Park in September." It's gay related, trust me. [guardian uk]

-Al Sharpton is supporting gay marriage (this is cool to me). [TRP]

-Rick Warren sucks, as always. [usnews]

On the shelf: The Ruins [so spoilery]

2009-01-14T17:34:00.001-08:00

Yeah, so I saw Bugcrush like everybody else, and, like everybody else, I thought it was good. Carter Smith, director of that, got his first studio gig because of it, that gig being Ruins the Movie Experience. Whatever, I just saw the movie, literally, like two seconds ago. What I did before that was slog through the novel. Slog, because it was sitting in my room untouched, me only having read maybe the first quarter of the thing. About a month ago I picked it back up and sort of steadily got through it, until there was about a third left, at which point all I did was read this fucking book. I swear, it was born and raised in Awesometown (Isreal).

Basically some young kids with lots to live for and very believable personalities go on vacay, meet a Greek and a German, then go on a trizzle to find the German's brother at some the Ruins or whatever. They get there and its all kinds of fucked up. Essentially, Scott Smith, the author, kicked my ass for about 500 hundred pages of mass market paperback (300 or so for trade). This novel is brutal. I usually don't read straight-up horror novels, not in years (I used to covet Bentley Little, Stevey Kingface, and House of Leaves was my favorite up until recently too), but Mr. Smith is an excellent character developer and scenarist. He had me by the balls the entire time. I don't wish I'd written this, but I'm glad that someone has taken horror seriously enough to have done so. Seriously, even if you think you're too good for a scary book, you will be pleased with this, I promise. He makes you feel for these people, and he makes you hope, as they do, that it's going to be okay in some way--maybe it won't be perfect, yeah, life won't be the same, but IT JUST HAS TO BE OKAY in SOME WAY, because that's the it works. That's the way it HAS to work, in life and in a novel with so much dedication obviously put into it. Why would somebody write a book just to slowly allow their characters (who they must live with basically forever) to slowly detiorate, mentally and physically, until they are gone, gone, gone? I guess the answer is 'because he can', because he does it here.

The movie is okay. Kinda weaksauce maybe? It has some gory imagery, but it's pretty flimsy and needless compared to the steady suspense and muscle of the novel. Whatever--it's what happens when you assume your audience will be made up of retards, I guess. STOP PANDERING. That is all.

Pandering to gays is OK because it is an underutilized pander.

SebastiAn holding a drink, looking buzzed.

2009-01-11T16:29:00.000-08:00

Our newest feature (SebastiAn holding a drink, looking buzzed/blazed) is inspired by the fact that before we loved Ed Banger's flagship band (you know who they are) and the de Rosnay half of that band, in a photogenics way, we liked SebastiAn. He has less songs, but we're predicting his album will be serviceable or more, which is a good thing. Without further adieu, folks:

Thank you. Have a nice day.

---------------------------------------

Also, Brady Quinn's life never gets easier, and neither does Ronaldo's. Poor them? Chuuch!

#11: Not being alone

2009-01-11T15:42:00.000-08:00

Because there are so many voices in our heads, all the time, sometimes all at once, screaming--meaning, like, nobody wants to be alone, let alone a closetcasey. Even if it's just being at the bar, our favorite, unattractive but funny in a 'you should do stand-up' way buddy's hand around our shoulder.

The truth about our sexual nature's can be dibilitatingly frightening sometimes, especially if we are an ethnic minority. Our largely marginilized culture has to have a lot of pride here in the State's, and has fostered a practice of cultural homophobia to align itself with the thoughts of Jezuz Christ, the American war god. What this means is we can never 'come out' of our shells 100%, and so must spend 89% of our lives alone, crying--having a family member, like your cool older sister, is clutch in this case, as she prevents us from being alone.

Or maybe you've already come out as 'a hipster' (which makes you gay), but there are no other gays in your small Texas town, but sometimes bands like Digitalism or Clues comes to town, and we bring our two best girlfriends along, because they've been getting into electro too. We might not find a man to hold us and tell us we'll be okay for another 10, 15 years. Maybe he'll be at this YYYs show, maybe he won't. Either way, you've got your two best gfs, so you'll never really be able to say no one was there for you you're whole life, even though it felt that way.

Maybe the other guys at the Auto Body Shoppe are jerks and always calling people and things faggots, like, 'this faggy coffee machine don't work, braa,' and so you want to come out to them, but you're afraid of losing the only friends you have, even if the friendship isn't based on trust or honesty, just based on an isolating work schedule and beer. There might be a 'vampire bar' nearby, where you can be yourself, not feel like the walls are closing in on you, like life isn't worth living. Maybe you listen to "Someday is Tonight" from Rhythm Nation on the drive over.

Or maybe you just take druqz to survive the daily horrorscape of a waking life restricted by Social Mores established when the Pope got to make all the rules, and scared people into not sucking each others' penises, or rubbing their vaginas together. Maybe you've found 'the one' who will do psychodelics with you, and laff, and talk about politics and Hunter Thompson, and think that Music was a good Madonna album, for the kind of music it is.

Sometimes we're forced to be alone because being gay is a sin from the Bill of Sins, which was written by the Founding Fathers of America, and, even tho we were raised to think it's cool, everyone else wasn't. Or maybe we were raised to want to drag fags from trucks, and so our Corbin Fisher membership is 'our business'. Whatever the sitch, closetcases effect everyone, probably even the economy. Choose wisely. Fin

Photos by Cobrasnake

Concept by HRO

In the news: The human torch, couple religious people, jailed gays

2009-01-11T15:19:00.000-08:00

In the news:

-Chris Evans has a gay brother. [radar]

-There is a gay priest, and it is news. [denver post]

-"Supporters of the ballot measure that banned gay marriage in California have filed a lawsuit seeking to block their campaign finance records from public view, saying the reports have led to the harassment of donors." Aw, poor dudes. [ap]

-Rick Warren sucks, whatever. [usatoday]

-There is supposed to be what sounds like a serviceable documentary about Ted Haggart, the Blow Job and Meth minister who was 'embroiled' in a 'scandal' a couple years back. Sfgate has bits of an interview (as publicity for the doc) and it is interesting. [sfgate]

-9 men were convicted of being homos, in Senegal. [ap]

I saw Speed Racer

2009-01-05T16:46:00.000-08:00

Just because it felt like an appropriate thing to do on a Sunday. I watched football the night before, so, in order to acheive balance in the Force (a combination of wine and migraine medication), I decided to align myself with the Watchowski Bros and get down with their pretend kids movie, the Speed Racers.

I enjoyed it. It was silly but that's not a big deal, because who really cares that much about Speed Racer as a franchise anyway? This is probably the best possible movie someone could have made out of that material. Or, the best any of us could expect in 2k8, the time of its release. Basically it's hokey dailogue + Emile Hirsche 'playing it straight' + Christina Ricci totally playing a cartoon character + Susan Surandon-Roth and Dad From Roseanne representing those archetypes, lightheartedly in her case + crazy green screen streaks of light and car sounds + stupid kid stuff that's only marginally annoying + a ten y/o giving the middle finger, Speed saying "get that shit off my track," people saying ass a lot + stylized Kung Fu and FAMILY VALUES. Not better than Iron Man, though, which was it's comp in theaters.

Picture post: Thoughts on what we want from the future

2009-01-04T11:47:00.000-08:00

Brought to you by the Cobra Snake:

Reading hipsty runny has made me realize that maybe I should have a less demanding job that allows me to party more. Partying on new years eve showed me that what I'm missing is carefreeness and youthfulness. But the thing is, I've got, like, goals. These guys probably have goals too, though.

Getting pussy is a goal for some. Or hiding the desire for dick. Whatever, sometimes having a goal is a full-time job in itself. Ever since i was younger, I was able to mimic really well. I'd find a writer I liked, and I'd learn how to write just like them. Find a band I like, write songs like them. This has been happening with my blogging too, and I don't know how to fix it.

I lost my phone over the summer and had to get a crap one for free. Now, when I get phone calls, I want to cry because the phone sux dick bags, but in the bad way. I want to party with people who have a lot of money and no blemishes. Who chew on straws because they're coked up.

I don't ever want to work in the food-service industry tho. People only do it because they have to. I might get laid off; I might have to.

I can't wait til it gets warm out here on the east coast. I want to go to bar-be-cues and take off my shirt and smile and do drugs with people I only hang out with because I'm not dating anyone, but plan to drop as soon as I have a partner.

I want to move out of New Jersey. I want to not have to explain where I'm coming from to people. I want everyone I know to love themselves. Is there a place on earth like that? It used to be New York, but I don't know anymore. I might have to go see for myself for an 'extended stay'. I want one of my best friends to go with me. I don't want to be alone.

I want to stop doing drugs, but I don't really think I want to stop. I'm pretty sure I don't want to stop drinking, though. I want to make money doing what I love. I want to love something that loves me back. I want to be able to afford to eat food whenever I want it. I want my cat to be neutered. Will the new year be able to fit all of these things into it, along with World Peace and a new Harry Potter movie? Won't you find out with me? The end.

Oscar Bait Corner: Button and the Wrestler

2009-01-04T11:20:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I saw Bennie Buttonz' Curious Cases and The Wrastler. Benjamin Button is a cute movie, Brad Pitt does a good job, and the special effects are convincing and you don't really think twice about them. I liked Tilda Swinton in this too, but everybody loves her, and she's kind of expected to do a good job anyway, now isn't she? Cate Blanchett (I'm not spell-checking any of these names, sadly) was good too, but she's kind of whatever to me. Overall though, I didn't think the movie was all that amazing--it was good, obviously, well-done, but it didn't, like, grab me and refuse to let go or anything. Of all the Oscar Bait films I've seen this season, this was probably the least exciting experience I had. I didn't realize the Roth dude (the screenwriter) had also written Forrest Gump, but it was all I could think about while watching this--when I found out that he had, it solidified David Fincher's film as something I'll only ever want to watch again for the FX

------------------------------

The Wrestler, on the other hand, was quite awesome. I wasn't 10o% on board with the Fountian, but I love Mr. Darren Aranofsky to no end, and his assured touch (so gay sounding) was all over this movie. Mickey Rourke was awesome, as expected--Marisa Tomei's exposed breasts also did a good job. I'm not that into Evan Rachel Wood, and, although she seemed to be giving her all, I was kind of glad when he character went away.

The 'documentary style' approach was used loosely, but the non-actors (and there were a lot) were very natural, making it clear that a lot what they were doing was improvised. This movie didn't overwhelm me with sadness like something in a Brokeback Mtn. But it had a reality-based seriousness, sense of humor, dreariness, hope and melancholy that permeated throughout, and that stuck with me long after Springsteen's song washed over the credits. I wanted Sean Penn to win best actor, but I think Rourke should get it now. I'm stuck on Best Picture, but I wouldn't be upset if this took it. The end.

2k9 homo-core news cycle

2009-01-04T10:56:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year! The news isn't all bad this time:

People who are in the closet are prone to have less healthy sexual habits because they secretly hate homos (themselves). [aidsmap]

Cuba thinks they may be able to acheive social utopianism, let boys and girls marry each other. [mrzine]

A kid in Dallas was run over by a car. This isn't relevant to closetcasies, it just sucks. [pegasus news]

A man and a transgendered person (his lover I guess? too many words to read) got killed but they keep referring to the trans one as a bro, when she's kinda clearly a chick. Nitpicky? [huffpo]

A bunch of dykes and homos calling themselves a 'marching band' will be at Barack Hoosayne Obambamz swearing in parade, before being smited with lightening bolts by pastor Rick 'thunderfists' Warren. [msnbc]

We told you about that lesbian who was attacked and raped by a bunch of dudes? Apparently other people have heard of it too, including law enforcement officials. [mercury news]

"More than a dozen families filed a lawsuit Tuesday challenging a new Arkansas law banning unmarried couples living together from becoming foster or adoptive parents." 'Unmarried couples' is code for 'gaysexualz', in case you missed the significance there. [fosters.com]

Oscar Bait corner with SCCL

2008-12-28T16:47:00.000-08:00

Did you see Slumdog Millionaire? Did it get into your soul and make a home there, set a fire of love? Here are some things I thought while watching the movie:

="I don't think this is going to live up to the hype, even though I didn't read reviews, so don't know 'what I'm supposed to think' or anything."

="This structure is going to get old..."

="Jeez, there's, like, another hour and a half left!"

="I'm not crying, I'm not crying, I'm not crying..."

="That was fucked up."

="I guess this is awesome?"

="Ooohh, a Bollywood dance number!"

="That was awesome!"

Just stuff

2008-12-28T13:47:00.000-08:00

There is a well-written editorial in the Times about my best-friend and future husband, Rick Warren, and people who get mad about stuff. [times]

Let's see, also, our bros who play football in the Europes are being involved in a campaign to combat homophobia, which is very nice of them. [guardian uk]

Um, what else... Oh, apparently Eartha Kitt was a gay icon? I didn't know that until today, but she passed the other day, so that's my reason for including this. [Dallas Morning News]

Okay, Walmart is going to start selling iPhones. This will be news to some people. [msnbc]

Dec 26th is Boxing Day!!

2008-12-25T08:31:00.001-08:00

You know, the famed day Beyonce made an album about (tastefully titled B'Day)? What this used to mean is buying gifts and giving them to the less fortunate (me); what it means now is returning gifts, cashing out gift cards, and taking advantage of post-christmas, recession-based apocalypse sales. If you're Colander/the Fishbelly, it means having to work, so I've always got that. Merry boxing day, world. [b'day on wiki]

Breifly: Gran Torino, Wendy, Lucy

2008-12-24T21:34:00.000-08:00

I saw Gran Torino. It's not mindblowingly innovative (and might be robbing others if its too much an Oscar presence) but it was a good movie, and Eastwood was good, and the non-actor young actors were endearing too. If someone offers to take you to see it, say yes. Clint Eastwood directing (at this stage of the game) is not a bad thing, ok? Stop acting like it is. Okay, I love you, later days.

Wait, wait, don't go. I also saw Wendy & Lucy, and it was touching, and understated, and Michelle Williams being so good made me miss Ledger even more. So, see that too, I guess.

She holds a stick at some point. It's pretty poignant. Seriously tho, I dug.

#10: Binge Drinking

2008-12-24T21:08:00.000-08:00

Because lowered inhibitions are an excuse to do anything, including 'act kinda gay', especially if kinda refers to the true inner you that you're suppressing because you were raised religious/with 'traditional values'/are still in high school/have bonehead friends or think you do. Drinking too much and very lots also allows the trad excuse of "dude, I was so wasted" before anybody even mentions that you fondled their cock (over their jeans) or tried to kiss them or told them you were in love with them, or "Bro, I don't remember anything after those shots", which what is used AFTER someone brings up that you guys maybe made out with each other/tugged ones alongside one another.

Drinking also allows the Closetbro [ednote; obsessed w Carles] to hook up with girls, who are usually boring/ugly/just friends/like a sister/the girl version of them. It allows them to not feel bad about playing themselves out (denying their true journey) and duping unsuspecting honeys into wasting time on someone who is wasting time on themselves. Drinking heavily may also allow one to visit Corbin Fisher (en-ess-eff-dubs) just to check out the bods and rub a little, or sit in a haze next to their bro who smells really good tonight, what cologne is that? Cool, can I hold you, I think we're connecting?

Basically, alks makes life better and will be the bees knees during the Greatest Depression Ever, so it's obvious that it also helps make the Closet case okay with marrying this chick who was only supposed to make him forget how pissed his dad will be if he ever came out so he never can. It helps him not hang himself when his wife is all I'm pregnant, dumby. It'll make hurting himself socially acceptable because it's okay to drink yourself into perpetual numbness and early graveness since prohibition is over. It's just not okay to be gay, so drink up gay boy, no one can tell, really. You're mad butch.

Well, if the Pope says it, it gots to be true

2008-12-24T20:52:00.001-08:00

My theory is that the Pope is basically useless, but that's just me:

A suggestion by Pope Benedict XVI that homosexuality is as much of a threat to the survival of the human race as climate change sparked outrage among gay rights campaigners on Tuesday.
"It's the latest homophobic attack by this pope," said Gustav Hofer, co-director of a documentary on the life of a gay couple in Italy called "Suddenly Last Winter".

"The Vatican talks about homosexuality or transsexuality as if it were a whim, never as suffering," Hofer told AFP, adding that the Roman Catholic Church "reduces sexual orientation to the sexual act as if it had nothing to do with a person's identity." [afp]

Hahaha, you guys just don't get Bennie's sense of humor. He's really nice when it's just me and him, swears.

===

Melissa Etheridge and that chick from Popular are stupid, but it's ok. [edge boston]

===

"A woman in the San Francisco Bay area was jumped by four men, taunted for being a lesbian, repeatedly raped and left naked outside an abandoned apartment building, authorities said Monday." ...in America. Teach your kids, assholes. Seriously, stop. [ap]

Rick Warren sucks and is too useless but Obama either thinks he needs him, or thinks it's cool to have a super religious white friend, and either way is cool, if you're into that. I'm not a judge, dude! [on top]

HAPPY XMASSS

2008-12-24T20:32:00.000-08:00

The 25th is my best friend's birthday. Maybe you've met? He is Jesus and I didn't get him a gift, because of the recession and being gay. Amen.

===

That's the dude from MGMT up there. I don't really listen to them because I'm trying to cut back on people telling me to put bands on my iPod or they won't like me, so I only listen to "Electric Feel" because I don't feel like spending cash pounds just to find out that I don't like their record (old argument, yea, we know). The picture is from Hipster Runoffz, and what I learn reading Carles is that it's okay to like Justice more than other musical band groups, because it's just okay to like things that make life fit into functional 4/4 time groupings with cool bass solos dubbed in the center of the mix, toward the end of the track. It's okay, because you say it is, and it's your life.

That said, I finally saw A Cross the Universe and it made me feel, in NPO:

-alone

-happy

-pumped

-excited for the future

-more interested in Justice

-that Kavinsky maybe doesnt have so many songs cuz maybe he parties too hard?

-that SebastiAn doesn't do interviews because he's shy, not cuz ppl don't ask

-scared

-jealous

-like being there for my friends

-sober

-like I'm wasting my life

Smiles are contagious.

Did you hear?

2008-12-24T20:10:00.000-08:00

Our pretend bf (one of many SCCL pretend male men) got assaulted by one of his own teammate peoples in his pretty perfect face (or something) and now the losing team coach is totally maybe getting shitcanned, for Jesus' birthday.

While the reports have been foggy about the entire nature of the incident,
there is something that is very clear -- Romeo Crennel has now guaranteed his
own demise.
People will talk about how ridiculous Quinn and Smith are, but my
stance is that it's Crennel who has completely lost it. Yes, things happen in
pro football all the time, but not when your franchise quarterback is being
punched in the face. This is the sort of locker room environment that has been
cultivated by the Crennel regime the past four seasons. This "players" coach has
lost control of his entire football team -- and it is
embarrassing. The players obviously have no respect for the team,
franchise, Cleveland, or themselves.

Okay, that's just speculation, but it got us this far, and that's what really counts. [examiner]

====

Cristiano Ronaldo, our pretend side-peice, because in Pretend Land (Burbank, CA), people have no scruples and everything is OK, did awesome in some way, and had an interview that apparently did not go way awesomely:

First to enter the set was a smiley Ronaldo, who prompted a giggly and
girly reaction from the show’s apparent host, who was quickly followed on stage
by Rooney. With all the excitement around them, and clearly not understanding a
word, Ronaldo and Rooney looked uncomfortable in their new surroundings, with
smiles plastered over their faces as the chaos around them unfolded.

Cue the sterotypical photo-snaps live on air before the interview got
underway. And when the questions finally came they included the presentor
telling Ronaldo “I’d love legs like yours,” and telling the Portuguese star “he
is so cute.”

Then things really started to fall apart. Ronaldo was quickly pulled
out of the interview by a third party (who the presenters tried to talk to on
air), with Rooney confusingly left all on his own as he tried to also exit the
stage before being told to stay put. A cringe-worthy 60 second interview was
then held, with Rooney constantly found looking over his shoulder before finally
being allowed to leave the stage. [bleacherreport]

Mmm, how relevant to this American Xmas time. Here's the video here--tug one, bro.

UPDATE: This was the picture I was supposed to use instead of the one right above. No big deal. Hug someone u love today?

Sorry for the mixxup and things. I know how it is.

Unrelated to Gays: Baghead, bro

2008-12-18T19:28:00.001-08:00

I saw the movie Baghead recently. It was my first foray into mumblecore, but I didn't know that going in. I just knew it was supposed to be horror-y, and it was called Baghead. I ended up enjoying it a pretty great deal--I literally knew nothing about who made it or what the point was supposed to be, so everything that happened was a surprise. Good acting, a surprise. A plot, a surprise. THE plot, a surprise. It was basically a dramedy, driven by engaging characters, shot handheld for that feeling of real life being captured. Then there were the horror elements, which were handled far better than I thought--the stalking, tension-filled scenes are framed absolutely perfectly. Whatever, I liked it, it wasn't the DARK KNIGHT, because not even your god is equal to those heights, but it got me through the night, so fuck it. On DVD on the 30th Dec.

Roving Dance Party: Blogging Secrets

2008-12-18T19:13:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to call a post that--it doesn't really mean anything. Well, except for the blogging secrets part. Google. That's the blogging secret. It's how we find both homophobia and dudes. It's how life happens and babies are made. Only in America (and Earth, as seen through the eyes of Americans). Sorry about the dude in the bathtub; he's got nowhere else to go.

Notes on Milk

2008-12-14T16:40:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I saw Milk, sue me. Here are some things that I would right next to asterisks, in no particular order, in regards to Milk or my viewing of it, if I were inclined to do such a thing:

*It was a good movie.

*James Franco and Sean Penn have pretty natural chemistry, maybe not at first (this is me not knowing in what order the movie was filmed, and also me just having to get used to them being in love almost immediately, at least in screen time), but eventually yes, they convince they are in love.

*It's not even like Paranoid Park on the How Artsy Is It? scale, but I don't think it's all that far from the one with Keanu Reeves and River Pheonix (I know what it's called, I was just tired of typing titles).

*Emile Hirsch seems like he's doing a bad impression at first, then is pretty good from then on. That means we liked him.

*It is VERY timely. Everybody likes looking at historical movies and drawing the parallels to Real Life (people like doing this with any kind of movie maybe) and they will have a field day with this, because it seems sometimes like nothing has changed. You hope that people who may not feel this way (inolerant peoples) will actually sit through the movie to at least get the sense of this, for all that would be worth. Nobody, though, is really presented with a judgement attached--not even the bad guys get treated like all bad, even when they are scary. *Things have changed, though, but you see it's been the same thing over and over. Hopefully, people will start noticing how stupid some of these arguments are.*

*Sean Penn is very good, if I didn't already say that. He's earned whatever award they link him to, whether he actually gets them or not.

*Josh Brolin is good. His character has a drunk moment that could be seen as funny if it were in another movie, but it works good here.

*There's a lot of making out, maybe too much. If you hung out with this much making out, and you weren't involved in it, you'd be kind of annoyed.

*It's whatever. You should probably go see it. Bring a date!

On Mt. Olympus: Golden Globe Nominations

2008-12-11T18:03:00.000-08:00

Okay, so the Golden Glurb nominations were released (or what have you) today, and two things: Well actually three: One, I'm not even pissed about cool movies being skipped over in favor of movies that tuck in their dress shirts when grandma comes over, because who really gives a shit about these things? 2)To contradict that, I'm happy about True Blood getting recognized, even if they invited Entourage even though we asked them not to, and we're also happy our pretend fake lover James Franco got nominated even if it's sort of a joke (did they like him so much, and HATE Milk so much, that they had to do this?).

And THREE: the actors might have to go on strike before this shit even goes down. THE THING IS, if I was an actor, the last thing I would want to do, for me, or for my fans, is go on strike during the the Economic Doomsday Crisis of the Aughts. It would be shitty, but THEN if I screwed my financial situtation down the road because of this temporary, albeit years long, crisis, then I would be pissed down the road, since my lifestyle would be based on this millionaire sitch I'd be in, and I'd be needing that money, y'know? So I would kinda have to go on strike, becase it would affect my future, not just my right now. So who knows what they'll do, but if they don't strike, it would be kind of stupid of them. I would respect them, and totally understand, and it would very much suck, but they would be dumb if they didn't. Okay fin

In the news: The Song Remains the Same

2008-12-09T11:39:00.000-08:00

No, the picture has nothing to do with the posts. It's just for artistic purposes? Whatever, read the news instead, if you like:

Sean Penn thinks making a movie where he's a big icon of some movement or other means he can admire any icon, represnting any movement he damn well pleases, and that is NOT cool, bro. [LAT]

A dude was walking arm-in-arm with his bro, as in, his real brother, and they got beat up, and the thing might be that the attackers thought they were h to the omos, so let them have it. [ap]

Gay people might get some gay rights (those are regular rights, sculpted to look gay) in Ohio of all places. [plain dealer]

Some dudes in the UK are being Police Style looked for because they made phobic chants at a soccer match, and guess what? DOING THAT IS ILLEGAL THERE! [pinknews]

Somebody wrote the movie Milk, and is capable of conducting interviews, which he has done. [SBIndependent]

Those people who wear scarves indoors and watch Project Runway took off of work yesterday so that their coworkers could get a day free of fuckin' nancies. The impact is discussed (I went to work). [ChiTrib]

Theater, Judy Garland, rainbow-colored advert font. [broadway.com]

FINALLY: Here is Led Zeppelin being awesomer than most, playing Dazed and Confused, because that's just how it is.

In the world: Wednesday is Human Rights Day

2008-12-09T10:31:00.000-08:00

One, tomorrow is Nat'l Gay People Should Call Out of Work and Get Fired Day, which I shall not be participating in (sorry, bro-mos). Second, tomorrow the UN will here a motion or something to call for the global decriminalization (in the uk version, this word is spelled with an 's' not a 'z') of being That Way. From the UK Guardian:

It will be the first time in its history that the UN General Assembly has
considered the issue of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) human
rights.
Although it will not be binding on the member states, the
declaration will have immense symbolic value, given the six decades in which
homophobic persecution has been ignored by the UN.

Member states will not be bound by this, as in, like, have to give shit. The implications are that now it will be Officially Frowned-Upon. You see, many countries (including this one) do not always make decisions based on science, but by what Space Jesus and the intergalactic planet-devourer, Allah, sayeth, through their confessional, co-autobiographical memoir, The Bible: How We Got a Bunch of Assholes to Live Their Lives Based on Fairytales. 86 Countries on this 21st Century planet Earth outlaw ghey sexytimes, with some Islamic regions making this punishable by DEATH (for newcomers, death is what God specifically forbade his adherents to inflict on each other; forget that, though--this is about homos):

Unsurprisingly, the Vatican and the Organisation of Islamic
States are leading the fight against the UN declaration. The opposition of
the Pope is truly sickening, depraved and shameless. Of course, the Vatican
has form. In 2004, it teamed up with Islamist dictatorships in the UN Commission
on Human Rights to thwart a resolution sponsored by Brazil that opposed homophobic violence and discrimination. The Holy See is so viciously homophobic that it opposed the UN condemnation of the murder of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people.

Last week, the papal envoy to the UN, Monsignor Celestino Migliore,
explained the "logic" of this opposition when he announced
the Vatican's rejection of this week's decriminalisation declaration. The
monsignor argued that the UN declaration would unfairly "pillory" countries
where homosexuality is illegal; forcing them to establish "new categories (gay
people) protected from discrimination." Such laws would "create new and
implacable acts of discrimination ... States where same-sex unions are not
recognized as 'marriages,' for example, would be subject to international
pressure."

In other words, protecting LGBT people against discrimination is
an act of discrimination against those who discriminate. Since the Vatican is
against discrimination, it opposes discrimination against countries that
discriminate. This is the mediaeval mindset of the Pope and his placemen.

The Pope is an asshole. What surprises me, though (and, I think, underscores my ignorance) is that support for ending this discrimination is coming from many Latin American countries, which others may have led us to believe, heretofore, were all a bunch of closet-cases, overcompensating by being all hatey or whatever. Also, get this: Australia and the US Amerikkka are not on board with this!! But CANADA IS!! So are the Kiwis! People sometimes wonder why I hate everything under the wretched Red Sun of god, and here, from this same article, is an example of why. If your little ones are having trouble sleeping, here is a TRUE bedtime story you can read to them--it should not only help them rest, but make sure they know whose side they should be on if they want you to basicaly not be grossed and ashamed whenever you look at them:

On December 5 2007, Makvan Mouloodzadeh, a 21-year-old Iranian man, was hanged in Kermanshah Central Prison, after an unfair trial. A member of Iran's persecuted Kurdish minority, he was executed on charges of raping other boys when he was 13. In other words, he committed these alleged acts when he was minor. According to Iranian law, a boy under 15 is a minor and cannot be executed. At Makvan's mockery of a trial, the alleged rape victims retracted their previous statements, saying they had made their allegations under duress. Makvan pleaded not guilty, telling the court that his confession was made under torture. He was hanged anyway, without a shred of credible evidence that he had even had sex with the boys, let alone raped them.
The lies, defamation and homophobia of the debauched Iranian legal system was
exposed when hundreds of villagers attended Makvan's funeral. People
don't mourn rapists. This execution was bare-faced homophobic judicial murder,
according to Arsham Parsi, Executive Director, of the underground Iranian Queer Railroad, which helps Iranian LGBTs fleeing arrest, torture and execution.

Haha, gay people are such assholes. Maybe I won't go to work tomorrow.

[guardian]

In the Movies: Punisher - War Zone

2008-12-07T19:15:00.000-08:00

For some reason, I read a bunch of reviews for this movie, mostly because I was rooting for its director, Lexi Alexander. They were entertaining, these reviews were. This one is probably the best, and likely sums up the movie better than most other options on the lines. Obviously, most people are not at all concerned with such a farce as this, until they remember how important entertainment is, then they're totally on that shit.

In the media: the Jonas Brothers

2008-12-05T11:41:00.000-08:00

I find it very difficult to hate the Jonas Brothers. And I hate everyONE and everyTHING. Seriously, think of a noun, and I probably have something awful to say about it. People ask me why I'm so quiet, and that's why: I am brimming with vitriol, people. But, with the JBz, AS I CHOOSE TO CALL THEM, they are so fundamentally opposite everything I strive for (except money) that I have no choice but to embrace them, you know? Sure, they love Jesus and I blaspheme and spit in god's face at every chance I get. They are upbeat and my heart is blacker than the crudest of fossil fuels. The only thing we have in common is how much we likely touch ourselves, and yet they probably have more buttsecks than me (because they are Pure and buttsecks doesn't count in the eyes of Jesus).

I love bands that let seep through some semblance of honesty, but I am open to like most anything (the newish song "Kill the Lights" by Britney Spears is appreciated by me these days as much as the bulk of Mr. Oizo's Lamb's Anger lp, as much as Ten Kens, a band I am recently digging), yet cannot find an angle from which to fully embrace the Bro-bros music, or to not feel weird even listening to it (there's something about it that says Stay Away). Someone on some board somewhere today pointed out how these guys have a full band that plays along with them, and I think this speaks of the larger problem: they are controlled by Disney, and Disney is a money-hungry, brand-spewing monster. Britney Spears' life is a crudely-polished turd right now, and if the JBz suffer the same fate, I'll be kind of annoyed at the world, because there are three of them, and they're brothers, and they should be looking out for each other, and not getting brainwashed by big corpos or even their 'rents, as kids say these days, right?? So maybe they'll be okay. But, I dunno. Nick, the youngest, has been in show bizness THE LONGEST. His parents (and I'm speculating here) have to be scumbags on some level--smart, bizness savvy, sure, but they are loving the money coming in, and who wouldn't?? But still, I find myself constantly defending them. I dunno--with the aforemention Ms. Spears, I basically coveted her downfall since I was in high school. I just wanted that bitch (sorry) to go down, just bein honest. But now that she has, it sucks and now I know I was a jerk.

So, Jonases? Please, if management starts crushing up vikes handing out lines after the show, or offers you their scrip of addies shaped like Flinstones vitamens before a Regis and Kelly taping, SAY NO. Life is long, and it's tremendous, and as long as your goal, growing up, is to be cool™, and understanding™, and to learn as much as possible, you'll be fine. But if evangelicalism (?) proves to be the Titanic I think it might be (I am wrong a lot, though, guys, and I care, really sorta I guess) then promise me that you won't go down with the ship. I will continue to defend you, and I apologize if this came across as condescending.

NOTE: I think I am only interested because (a) whoever styles them has wicked sense of style and I want anything Nick wears and (b) I am fully down with raising Joe's kids.

Just say the word, bro. [pictures via Variety]

TGIF: Slow news week

2008-12-05T11:22:00.000-08:00

Yeah, so, to avoid posting the same thang over and over, I just post nothing (this is also to avoid becoming a hawt dudez photo site, which is just brimming below the surface, that's BRIMMING BTW) and also I work allowed but will probably get fired soon, ANYWAY:

*New York might try to sneak same-s3x marridge into legalness by making it an issue of helping the state's economy or what have u. [daily news]

*This article mentions the orientation of the alleged crime-causer, but I stopped reading it before they made it clear why this information is relevant to what appears to be an unrelated issue of KIDNAPPING. [SLTrib]

*This rugby ref came out, and says it was really hard, but thinks he would have basically just gotten his ass kicked if he had been a futball ref, and we basically agree, though we don't have evidence on us at this exact moment, ok? [bbc]

*"...But while a majority of non-white voters backed a ban on gay marriage, the key finding in the new survey was that voters' position on Proposition 8 was determined more by their level of education and income than their race or ethnicity, said PPIC president Mark Baldassare. Among Californians with a high school diploma or less, 69 percent voted for Proposition 8. Among college graduates, 57 percent voted against it." [mercury news]

#9: Sports

2008-12-03T09:56:00.000-08:00

Because what young people need as they get older is an identity, and sports provide that, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Goths have the dark arts, drama gheys have theatre, and kids whose parents either recognize that sports are a good start to a healthy life (that these kids will grow to squander by binge drinking and snorting rails) or realize that they are old and that life sucks and must live vicariously/perilously through their sons, have sports.

Sports also foster discipline, which is good for guys who have a strong sense of self, as it will be a way to harness focus when they find something that focus will aid in improving. For people without spines, however, discipline can quickly turn into conformity, which is why sports programs (especially in movies) have the reputation for being full of arrogant pricks who are slaves to (and perpetuate) the idea of popularity as a virtue. Everybody is different unless they are trainted not to be! And building a belief system that can stem from the values of being good at a sport, this is something that happens to one without totally realizing it, so when they are put into a situation that forces them to self-analyze (such as realizing they might like dudes), they can be totally thrown off and angry/confused--a closet will be borne, and a case will cling to this masculine identity for dear life, and who could blame them.

The problem is older people being in the closet, but that could be the problem across the board. No out-N-proud pro athletes means none at the high school level, or college, because gays are the devil broken up into millions of little Degrassi fans. But seriously, the straight teammates think only weirdos are ghey, the ghey ones think if they act tough no one will suspect them (thereby perpetuating the cliches and misinformations that keep their cages locked so tight), and a million little lost connections are made, and youthful years wasted, because of fear.

If one is hell-bent on never coming out while simultaneously making life more difficult for others, athletic heroism is the perfect cover to employ. If you're in love with your friend Daniel, but would rather die than admit that to yourself, why not become awesome at footballing, get a hot girlfriend, and call people fags all the time? IT'S THE PERFECT CRIME, and, also, it's moral, because you are only hurting yourself (and your girlfriend and eventual children, but they don't count!). This isn't Spartan times--athletes aren't allowed to notice how hot each other are, or blow one another to commemorate a job well-done (not yet!), so the closeted athlete won't even partake in the straight baller's antics of ass/ball slapping, playing nudging or hugging, or European man-kissing.

Are you part of a sports club and also straight? After a big win, go around doing ghey stuff to people, the ones that act the most offended and grossed out (the ones who act like they have the most to lose by being okay with this) those are the ones you need to hug closer and say, "No matter what, you're still my teammate and my friend and I love you. And that probably goes for all the guys here, too." Then hold him at arm's length and appraise him, then look him in the eye and say, "Do you know what I mean?" He'll probably call you a homo, but he'll never forget that you did it, and will never be able to say that nobody, ever in his life, tried to be there for him. (Plus, when one comes out after all those years of sports, they are both butch, and have a rockin body, and that will make them POPULAR AS FUCK! Which is their Earthly wont.)

In the (slow) news (day): Prop 8 Forever

2008-12-03T09:40:00.000-08:00

"Leaders of the California Legislature and members of its gay and lesbian caucus have introduced measures supporting the repeal of Proposition 8, the constitutional ban on same-sex marriage approved by voters last month."

This is basically so the Supreme Court of Cali knows that official people with jobs oppose this thing, not just homeless gey people. They won't have a ruling til NEXT JUNE, though, so you still have an excuse to be a slut until then. [sfc]

Further in the world of sports...

2008-12-03T08:51:00.000-08:00

Been a couple days, so we will post chaotically because the reason we DON'T post sometimes is to avoid chaos, so we are giving ourselves what we Don't Want for a change, k? (Also reading about sports--see previous post--made me want to just keep reading about sports. Funny how that works.)

*Cristiano Ronaldo won the Best Player Ever This Year, 2008 Millenial Awesomeness award, and might be changing teams also. When further researched, it was also found that Mr. Ronaldo is adorable in, like, every picture ever taken of him. [ap]

*Oh, Brady Quinn is going to have finger surgery. We'll put our interest in the Browns in the refrigerator until the outcome of this procedure. [ap]

*You want to see some hockey playing dudes grabbing some balls? No? Well, by balls, we mean testys or whatever, so click the link if you change yr mind. [MSIH]

*Michael Phelps was named sportsman of the year by Sports Illustrated, proving our theory that it is cool for dudes to fawn over this guy and his doep bod, as long as they point out that he is also sort of a butterface when under natural lighting, which makes him HUMAN. That is why it is okay to hate Ronaldo, because he'd make Burt Reynolds do a double take wockawockawocka...[cnn]

Oh hai: Random thing

2008-12-03T08:45:00.000-08:00

If you care at all about sports or whatever, or just interested in stories about people, then the Times, NY, has an interesting story about a dude who started a football team at the University of Vermont, just 'cause he got it like that. [nyt]

Everyday is a holiday, post 3: The science of the gays

2008-12-01T17:25:00.000-08:00

Yeah, everyone knows America's hottest new religion is Teh Geighs, founded by Pink Mafia underworld captain Cheyenne Jackson (pictured, above, on a pants-dropping mission). This is true historical fact so please do not do independant research confirming it because it is a waste of time. All adherents to Geighs knows that they have made a choice to spite Jesus by constantly watching Xtube videos without donating money and downloading torrents of Bel Ami features with no intentions of actually buying the films. Like we said, it's a choice, except it's not, because science says so:

Researchers are finding common biological traits among gay men, feeding a growing consensus that sexual orientation is an inborn combination of genetic and environmental factors that largely decide a person's sexual attractions before they are born.

Hmm. Science is bullshit, but okay, I'm listening:

Such findings — including a highly anticipated study this winter — would further inform the debate over whether homosexuality is innate or a choice, an undercurrent of the recent Proposition 8 campaign in which television commercials warned that "schools would begin teaching second-graders that boys could marry boys," suggesting homosexuality would then spread.

Some scientists say the political and moral debate over same-sex marriage frequently strayed from established scientific evidence, including comments by vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin that homosexuality is "a choice" and "a decision."

Look, I don't need scyence to tell me Sarah Palin basically sucks. She made a decision to be annoying yet pretty and I totally tolerate that. Okay what else?

A host of studies since the mid-1990s have found common biological traits between gay men, including left-handedness and the direction of hair whorls. The likelihood that if one identical twin is gay, the other will also be gay is much higher than the "concordance" of homosexuality between fraternal twins, indicating that genes play a role in sexual orientation, but are not the entire cause.

"In the past decade, I think the pendulum has swung more toward biological theory and biological causes," said Richard Lippa, a psychology professor at California State University-Fullerton, who has studied hair patterns and other biological traits in gay men."
Sven Bocklandt, a geneticist at the David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA, is bewildered by the argument that people choose their sexual attraction. He said that virtually every animal species that has been studied — from sheep to fruit flies — has a small minority of individuals who demonstrate homosexual activity.

"I really believe the reason most humans are straight is the same reason that most crocodiles are straight, and the same reason most whales are straight," Bocklandt said. "Nature would not leave something so important for reproduction, for the survival of the species, to coincidence."
Less understood is the degree to which sexual orientation is determined by genes or environmental factors, such as hormones or immunological factors that may act on a fetus. What scientists call "the fraternal birth order effect," the fact that each successive boy born to the same mother has a greater chance of being gay,may be due to an increasing immunological response by a mother's body to each male fetus in her womb.

Long discredited are theories that parenting — one mid-20th century
theory held that boys raised by a domineering mother with a distant father were
more likely to be gay — has anything to do with sexual orientation.

Wow, that was a long one. I suggest you go read the article because it's interesting and actually well-written, which I am not ever, except sometimes when I'm drunk and no one tries to stop me. I'm gay (if you're into labels, which I'm not, blahblahblah just love me pleez), and I believe all this biological research, and I also know that it doesn't account for closets, dudes who you may hit on but who are all like [whiny voice], "I have a girlfriend, I fuck chicks, I like football but Brady Quinn is a homo" etc etc. So they could have all the hair whirls and swishy walks (one study I read pointed out that biologically gay men tend to pivot their hips when they walk and straights pivot their shoulders; KEEP AN EYE OUT!) in the world, if they aint touchin peenies at sexytime it don't mean a whole lot, now does it, Charlie? No, it does not.

The other thing is, Dr Drew Pinsky of the LurveLines and Celebrity Realityhabs, he used to always ask gay guys who would call up about stuff "was your mother an overbearing bitch?" and they'd be like, yes! Why would this be common among gay males (which it was) if it didn't have some affect on how they turned out? The other thing is, it could be a symptom of mothers of gay sons--they emasculate them in a misguided attempt to change the behavior that they perceive leads to gayness when it in fact is simply a sign of it. Who knows.

The other thing Dr Drew would do, is he would ask gay guys if they had been molested when they were younger, at an age where they could remember it, and if it was by a dude. Whenever he would ask this, he would almost always be right (I don't remember what about these gay guys would tip him off, sorry [sadface]). Our boy Mark Foley, of congressional page texting fame, acknowledges being gay, has a partner, but says he was molested when he was young too. Again, this doesn't mean the kid-touching is causing it, it could just be that these pervs see a particular sign in these kids and take advantage of it. These are simply relationships I have come across in the past, is all I'm saying. In the movie Happiness, by Todd Solondz, the gay kid is molested by Dylan Baker's character. In Augusten Burroughs's Running with Scissors, he is taken advantage of by an older male, at about the age of twelve if I'm not mistaken (he was pretty certain he was gay before this ever happened). Whatever, my point is, there is science, and there is what you think, and if you ain't quotin' science of some other smart soundin' shit, please don't talk about BIG TOPICS or something ignant if you CAN avoid it only, unless you are a philosopher, LIKE ME, whereupon ignorance is not only allowed, but MANDATORY ARRGH!

[walks away, trips over endtable and breaks face]

[mercury news]